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Advice – Being Faithful is Possible

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Before I and my wife got married, my dad asked me one question, “are you sure?”

He knew the man I was and the girls I had twerped on the daily. He’d been privy to many clashes and how I’d always disobeyed his warnings to stop chasing girls and settle down.

Therefore, I understood his question on another level. He wasn’t asking me if I was okay with my decision to get married or my choice of a wife but rather the marriage. He called marriage “becoming of age” or “finally becoming a man.”

I said yes. I said it because I meant it.

Getting married meant when my wife travelled, I couldn’t have another woman come and cook for me. It meant that I couldn’t sneak another woman into my room as soon as my wife left for work. I couldn’t call other girls at midnight and arrange to meet them.

My “bestie” no longer became my friend. She didn’t understand because we were close even when my wife and I were dating. But, because I had gone down on her so many times, I didn’t want her to think she had power over me even after I got married. All power over my body belonged to my wife.

My mind has been programmed to respond to only my wife. I don’t pick calls after 8 PM. Those who urgently have to speak to me can call on my wife’s phone. My old number is no longer on WhatsApp so you can’t send me a message there unless you have my new number.

It’s on messenger that women won’t leave me. Auntie Abena, married men are suffering. Women just get up, send you a dm “hi” followed by their nudes. If you try to ask them why they’re doing it, they’ll tell you it’s just for fun. No one will know.

I always tell women I share screenshots of my conversation on my page so they stop. And it’s true. People have called me childish because I always post my chats with women and gays but it’s for my protection from them. If it’s out in the open, nobody can use my chat against me. My wife has all my passwords and reads them too.

You may ask how many years I’ve been married. It’s been 11 years today and it’s been hard work. Marriage is hard oh. Dealing with your wife and her mood swings, her body changes when she is pregnant and gives birth. Coping with childbirth and all the komininis but it’s been worth it.

Who you marry also counts. If you marry someone who doesn’t understand marriage but only wants a wedding, you’ll regret. She has to be someone who wants the marriage to work because she sees you as her life.

I’ve realized that sometimes we are the cause of the quarrels and anger by our own behavior. If you make your family or friends a priority over your wife, you’ll fight one day. If you keep late nights with your friends, she’ll get angry. If you do things in secret knowing she won’t like it when she gets to know, she’ll get to know one day and there’ll be war at home.

My brothers, brethren, hommies, we can make our marriages work o. There is peace when your wife trusts you so much. There is joy when she knows she’s the only one in your thoughts and hearts. You can be faithful. Those small girls look so sweet and can make you feel like you have to grab them and twerp them at once but at the end, they’ll bring confusion and destroy your happy home. I’ve done this for 11 years means you can too

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Written by Abena Magis

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