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Advice – Being Poor Doesn’t Mean You Should Treat Her Poorly

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I want to thank you for your platform. You don’t know the benefit your fans are getting here from all the advice and interaction. It’s a personal testimony and the reason why I’m sending this. Though I’ve already apologized, I want to apologise once again to my ex Aggie for all that happened in the past.

Auntie Abena, Aggie isn’t just an ex but my ex wife. She returned the drinks 7 years ago and I was very bitter because to me she was leaving because I was poor. I realized she was commenting on posts from around this September and wanted to insult her for some of the comments but something told me to read and maybe get an insight. One comment she passed about “broke guys feeling entitled” all the time, made me inbox her. I’m glad to say I did because she made me understand what I did and now it affected it.

A lot of “poor” or broke guys aren’t being fair to their girlfriends. I’ll use our story as an example. When Aggie and I were dating, she will travel from another region (where she worked) to where I was without my contribution and will still bring food stuffs and provisions. She would cook and even pay for prepaid electricity when it got finished. Then she’d travel back after the weekend without a pesewas from me.

She could buy me credits and data and still send me money for my rounds. I got used to it and took advantage of it. Even when I got some small coins, I wouldn’t top up her credits because she was working and could buy some for herself. It was only once I sent her GHS50 as her transport because she unable to cash out but with even that she spent over GHS300 when she came to visit for the weekend.

In all this she didn’t complain and still tried all her best to help me. I joined some group and instead of having time for her on weekends, will go on hangouts with them. If no hangout and she comes over, all my attention was on my friends.

After 4 years of dating, she asked when are we getting married but I told her I’m broke so she has to wait or she can assist in some purchases which she agreed. She took care of most of the items and I’m ashamed to say that the only thing I spent my money on was my clothes, slippers and the transport for my family and friends. Everything was on this lady.

We got married the traditional way and because there was always food, stopped looking for a job. She got fed up and started nagging so I became annoyed which got us into many fights that I’m ashamed to say, one day I slapped her.

She travelled to her parents and for the first time in 5 years stopped sending me money, buying credits, food I mean she stopped everything and I got angry with her insulted her and went in for a girlfriend. In my mind, my wife was no longer being supportive and was being wicked because she knew I was down and needed help.

She was wicked after 5 years of taking care of my broke a*s? Hmm. The cheating was the last thing she’ll take and she returned the drinks. I justified everything that I was doing but never thought of how she’s feeling. I was just selfish and took advantage of her over and over again.

It’s too late for us because she’s married with kids now but I’ve learned how we men behave towards the women who love us and it’s very wrong. We have to stop.

Want to share your stories anonymously? Kindly send to manokekame@mail.com or via Hujambo by clicking HERE.

Written by Abena Magis

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