DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I want to share an advice on the issue of the lady who says she’s lost that touch of love for her husband. My two pesewas to this conversation stems from a personal experience. I was once privileged to be loved by a very fine woman, a fine gem but I lost her.
She actually had all the assets and a few complimentary liabilities which I deemed negligible. She spoke words which lifted up my spirit and treated me as the man I so longed to be. I dare say she was idyllic of my visions of a woman so I won’t bore you with further adjectives.
There however was a challenge. Though she loved me with her all, I didn’t love her, not even a tenth of what I felt for my ex. It really hurt badly knowing that she could go the extra mile and proverbially offer her happiness on a platter of my convenience but I couldn’t reciprocate this depth of affection. She realized I was holding back and couldn’t give her the fountain of love for her to drink from.
Hence she resolved to settle for the little chalice I could offer. She once said, “I know you don’t love me as much as I do you but my love is big enough to cover the both of us.” She just knew what to say to make me feel so manly but for some strange reasons, I still couldn’t find the lighter to set this beautiful flicker of love ablaze.
She was willing for us to get married knowing I didn’t fully feel the same way as she did. It was quite a quandary, knowing that my head loved her attributes but my heart couldn’t join to hers. I resolved to cowardly run away from that relationship. She cried her heart and eyes out. I was a bit perturbed but quickly run ahead in the race of life. She left me with a few words which have stayed with me until now “you would look for me in all places and won’t find me.”
I have truly looked for her in a whole lot of women but haven’t found any like her. As I grew older and started appreciating life in it’s entirety, I have come to realize these few nuggets which I believe would be beneficial to us all and the lady whose love has disappeared in marriage.
1. I didn’t have to raise high the hopes of a woman I wasn’t too sure of committing to. To the women as well, never assume anything, always confirm if you’re not sure.
2. People have different ways of responding to triggers. Your kindness could be a blockade or an enzyme to someone’s love meter. Check it and clarify your stance with and in their lives.
3. I realized that love wasn’t just meant to be a feeling. I could have decided to still be with her and worked my way to happiness. Lying by a drunk husband is nauseating as well as helping a nagging wife. We are all commanded to love unconditionally.
4. That love conquers all things. It’s the determination to fight for that marriage and that relationship, the belief that there still is that perfection in all the imperfection meant for you that keeps the union going.
5. That your happiness can only be on your terms, love yourself and in doing that, extend it to your partner as well.
Don’t lose a gem like I did.