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Advice – Men Support Your Wives

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I don’t know what my story falls under but it’s an advice to men that they should support their wives. Kindly post for me.

I’m a Pharmacist and my wife is a trained teacher. We’ve been married for 16 years and have 4 kids.

After we had our 3rd child, due to complications which affected her spine, my wife stopped working. The stress alone was too much for me and still I had to pay bills and fees. One day she told me she wanted to set up a small spot near our house.

In my head, I thought about the huge investment needed. It’d mean renting of land, maybe buying a container for the bar, the money that would go into the foundation and tiling work, as well as the freezers and initial capital for the drinks. It was a good idea but I needed some time to think about it.

She was on me every day asking if I’d given it thought. I never asked exactly what kind of spot she wanted because I wanted her to do something classy. Something all our friends and family will see and clap for us.

Weeks later, she told me she’s going for a loan. It was a flash in my hearing because I’d told her to wait for sometime. If I get the money, I’ll let her know. So I was there when she told me she’d asked her sister to help her get a loan of GHS5000. That was too small. She should have asked for 10,000 or 20,000.

Well, the next day I came back to see carpenters working on the land in front of our rented house. She told me she’d spoken to the landlord and he’d agreed she could use the place. I was still thinking about the 5k she had and how she was wasting it.

Within 3 days, she had a small kiosk, a shed, a bench and had bought 2 plastic chairs. She also bought a big cooker and other things. I asked her what really she wanted to do and she said chop bar. Ei. Chop bar in my house? I didn’t like the idea and this brought about a lot of fights between us.

What even got me angry and jealous were the men who came to buy food from her. She’s beautiful, kind, knows how to talk and by 7am banku and okro stew is ready. They’ll come to buy and flirt with her. I warned her to stop selling but she refused. We were still fighting over this but she didn’t back down.

Then one night, I overheard telling her mother on the phone how difficult it was selling food. That sometimes people don’t buy. The mum advised her which I thought was nonsense. This woman has been selling kenkey on a tabletop from when my wife was a kid to now and she was giving my wife advise on business.

I shouted at my wife to end the call and told her to stop this nonsense thing she was doing. She was not an illiterate. Rather she was a teacher who could go places. She looked at me and asked me just one question, “ever since I started selling food, when was the last time I asked you for money?”

That stopped me and got me thinking. She was the one paying the prepaid because she used more light now. She also was paying for the water. I didn’t remember the last time she asked me for canteen or bus fees. Also, since she added rice and stew and gari with beans, the kids will eat before going to school, come back and eat from her end so I wasn’t spending much money in the house.

She added that in spite of all these, she was still paying off her loan, keeping susu at the bank and taking care of the house.

Since then, when you come to see me cutting vegetables or washing plates, you’ll think I’m one of her workers. Through this work, we’ve bought a land and plan to build some chamber and hall for rent. Before we take our time and build our own house. I was concerned about what friends and family will do but when I needed some money to settle some debts, nobody helped me except my wife.

Auntie Abena, now I don’t joke with my wife anymore. I used to look down on her but have seen she has vision. She’s saving GHs2000 a month when I can’t save that in a month. I went to her mother to apologise for my behaviour towards her. She now comes for the kids almost every weekend so that we can sell more.

My advice to every man out there is that whatever your wife decides or sets her mind to will succeed with or without your input. She just needs your support and she’ll support you in your every need. Thanks for posting.

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Written by Abena Magis

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