DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Hello Mano fans. Good day to you all. I have a problem. I have known a young man since December 2018 when I first set eyes on him. I managed to get his attention and we started talking. He told me he had a lady in his life at that time. Things were rough between them and they were drifting apart because the communication between them was fading.
With time I became convinced that he was really into me and had broken off the previous relationship though he had not proposed to me yet. I am gainfully employed. Now here’s the issue.
He is the first born among four children. His father, who was a government employee, fell ill many years back and was declared unfit to work again so he has been on pension since then. Anytime his dad had an attack his ex sometimes had to send him cash to help in paying off the medical bills. They live in their own house and he was fortunate to receive some help from a benefactor who sponsored his education in the nursing training college but is yet to be posted (maybe in 2021).
His mother had a provision shop but she had to start grocery trading at home so she can have more time to take better care of his ailing father. He managed to raise some funds and bought his mother off her provision shop so she can get some capital to run her grocery shop at home.
Everything was agreed and well sorted out so he started running the provision shop for himself all by himself. Lately however, the mother and all the other siblings come and take stuff from his shop without even prior notice. When he gets home everyone is on him for money.
His immediate younger sibling is also working but the other two are yet to. I advised him to sit down with his family to discuss the issue and explain to them that he’s trying to settle down so he’ll need some space and must save up some money to sort himself out. I also advised him to put his household on a fixed allowance which he’ll give to his mum every month as his support to them and thereafter limit their access to the provisions in his shop but he just told me his mother won’t agree/ understand.
I’ve watched him for a few months now and observed from his frequent complaints that he hasn’t done anything about their excessive interference in his finances so I started withdrawing from him. This guy now sees me and starts behaving funny towards me. He casts insinuations about this all over on social media.
What have I done wrong? Please house, am I being unfair? Can’t I define what pressures I cannot get myself involved in? Please note, I also take currently take care of one of my aged parents who lives with me. Thank you.