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Am I Being Stupid?

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

What I’ve heard today has made me deeply brokenhearted. I want to know if my woman is using me or I’m being stupid? Post it for me and let the special members of this group kindly help me on this.

I’ve been dating this lady for the past 11 months now. She’s a uni graduate while I’m just an shs graduate who’s struggling to further my education. I met this beautiful lady when things were really hard on my side. I mean HARD. I was struggling to even get GHS1 to buy water but I wasn’t able as at that time.

This my girlfriend was a God sent because she came in and rescued me from that hardship I was in at that time. She had a shop so she cooked with her own money, will bring me the food all by herself and sit by my side for me to eat, encouraging me that things will be alright. She was my motivator and my everything as at that time.

All my friends were jealous because of what this my lady was doing for me. This continued for almost 4 months and she was the one feeding and giving me pocket money. Sometimes I felt shy to take money when she offered to give me money but this girl will put it in my dirty clothes and when she gets home, will call and ask me to check a particular shirt or jeans and I’ll see that she’d left money for me. With this and many other things I fell madly in love with her and she was too.

One day we were lying on bed. I was going through her phone and came across her ID card. I got to know that she was 4 years older than me. I was in shock because she looked younger than her age. She noticed the look on my face and my heartbeat so she asked why and I said nothing. She took the phone from me to see what I was watching on her phone and she was like “that’s me. That’s my ID card. You think I am a kid?” and she laughed.

She then made it clear to me that she’s growing and needs to settle down. That she’s ready for us to get married because she’s growing and wants our relationship to be her last because she’s getting married to me.

I made it clear to her that she shouldn’t worry much because we’ll get married. I don’t want her to be with any man (you know how guys talk when it comes to marriage so I gave her all the vibes) but deep down me I was worried. I was like there’s no way she’s going to marry me with this big age difference and I didn’t want to lose her too so I planned that I’ll lie to her about my age.

I went to their house one day and her parents received me very well. I was surprised with the way they welcomed me as if I am a big man bi. I also enjoyed myself well that night. My lady had hope in me that things will be better because of the work I was doing that time but the corona came and messed things up.

I’ve been chopping this lady’s money and I was worried so I told her that I’m going to Kumasi. When I came to Kumasi she was worried because the thing had turned to distance relationship and she had already told me about her past relationships so she was afraid. I told my mom what my lady had been doing for me and she was happy.

She liked my woman more than me koraa and they can talk on phone for almost 2 hours. We had an argument and my woman planned with my mom to surprise me. She came home without informing me and when I got back from work, I saw her sitting down with my mom. She laughed when she saw me and came to me the kiss deɛ I won’t forget da, I even forgot that my mom was there.

Things were going well until when she was about to leave she got hold of my ID card when packing my clothes and she found out about my age. She was worried and asked about it but out of fear I lied to her and made her believe that she’s just 2 years older than me.

She cried and told me I’ll leave her because of her age (I’m the same age as her younger sibling). I tired to convince her but she left. When she got to Accra she called and asked why did I lied to her. I told her I love her and don’t want to lose her.

She kept on asking about my age again. I kept on insisting that she’s just 2 years older than me not knowing, she had asked my mom and mom told her my real age. She knew she’s 4 years older than me.

Ladies and Gents since that time everything has changed. Our love life is still there but the respect she had for me changed since that time up to date. Our conversation has changed. We used to talk the whole day on phone but now everything has changed to, “I am hungry send me money, how are you? Have you eaten?” And other stuff

She can be online the whole day without replying my messages but sometimes we will talk alright. She now talks to her exes and when I complain she’ll tell me that they first wrote her and she can’t say she won’t reply. She answers my calls whenever she feels like answering.

I’m still OK with these thing. I love her because of what she has done for me before. Whenever she calls that she needs money I feel like it’s my mom who’s dying. I’ll do anything to get her money though it’s not enough but at least I make sure I’ve sent her something. I even sold my laptop because she said she needed money for her hair because she was going for a wedding (laptop that I’m using to work oo) but out of love I sold it and sent her all the money

What hurts me most is she still doesn’t appreciate all this. I was sick yesterday and she said she’s at work. She called around 9pm and she was like, “I’ll you when I get home.” I waited but she didn’t call. I called her around 11pm she didn’t answer so I texted her via WhatsApp and told her I didn’t knew she was heartless because I told her I was sick and she couldn’t call to check up on me

This girl called this morning and she was mad as if I’ve insulted her entire family. She said a lot but what pained me most is she told me I am not her type and she’s well educated more than me. That when she dresses and stands in the mirror she sees herself better that I don’t deserve her,(body that I buy cream on oo) that where she can enter, I can’t go there because she’s well educated.

That I should look at her status when she posts. Am I her type? (Someone that I hustle hard to get money for her oo) Someone whom sake of her I don’t give my mom money again and after saying all this she then told me that she can date any guy she wants and can even go in for sugar daddy but it’s only because of the ɔdɔ ( love) she has for me that’s why she’s not doing all this.

I was very mad when she said all that shit to me but I calmed when she ended up by saying the ɔdɔ ( LOVE) she has for me that’s why she’s still with me.

I sent her money to go for pizza because am not around to take her out. I love this girl with all my body, soul and mind. I can’t go a day without hearing from her. And I think she’s taking advantage of me. Sometimes her attitude makes me think differently.

Please reasonable and sensible members on this page advice me. Is it because I don’t have money like the way she had before or is she using me? Because I love her and I can spend the whole night thinking about her when she gets mad at me.

I know it’s sound stupid because sometimes I think of how I am treating her and she’s still doing this. I feel like am being stupid but I can’t stop loving her. What should I do now??

Written by Abena Magis

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