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DEAR AUNTIE ABENA – His Nephew is My Son

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I’m ashamed of myself but cannot do anything about the past. I only need help about the future of my son.

I was young when I had him with the father but didn’t like the situation we were in. (My parents are rich and wanted me to marry someone from a rich home). I didn’t have a problem dating someone like him but everything he did was against my parents wishes: always sneaking into the house to look for me, ringing the doorbell to create a diversion just to sneak into my room etc which I spoke to him about but he didn’t stop.

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I got pregnant and hell broke lose. He refused to leave my side even when my parents reported him for sleeping with an under-aged girl. I was 15 at that time and he was 19. I gave birth safely but his insistence to still come around made them drive him away. He came with 2 of his uncles to ask for a chance to see my baby and they gave my baby to them. I was then under admission at a hospital due to some complications. I came home 2 weeks later to meet the news.

My parents refused to let me go for my baby and forced me to leave the shores of Ghana. I have been living outside for almost 15 years, married once and divorced with 2 children.

 

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The problem I find myself in is that, I met a man in 2018 who has been the father my children needed. He has been my knight in shining armour who understands me the way no man can. Not even my family. He flew down to do the Knocking and was accepted by my family. He came back and we went down before the lockdown this year. We had to do a simple court wedding and will be returning next month.

The issue is, my ex is living with his family in the North and had left his son with the grandmother. I had never met any of his family apart from the 2 uncles and a cousin so didn’t make the connection.

What made me realize it was this. My husband’s nephew does everything like me including the way he frowns when he’s angry or how he laughs. My husband used to comment on it before I even met the boy face to face. I met him and immediately knew that’s my son. I felt so much love for him and wanted to shout “I’m your mother.” He was helping the grandmother and I just stood watching him because he looked so much like my second boy.

Being curious to know more about him, I asked my husband to tell me where the father was and he was so bitter. He told me how his big brother fell in love with a rich girl who looked down on him. When she gave birth, she didn’t even want to see him and told her parents to give the baby to him. She never even bothered to look for the baby and traveled. He went on to say that the whole house hates the girl because such rich people think the world revolves around them.

Auntie Abena, I sat there listening to him and I couldn’t utter a word. I didn’t know how to respond or vindicate myself because his brother has told him his side without knowing my side. I admit that I should have done more by looking for his brother which I never did. You must bear in mind I was then 15.

 

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Now, I’ve heard that the brother will be coming  down next week with his family. We’ve spoken on phone before and are Facebook friends but he’s never mentioned knowing me. I don’t know what he’ll do when he gets to know I am the one married to his small brother and I don’t know what to expect. Is there anybody who has been in my situation before to share with me?

I’m also worried what both our families will say about 2 brothers sleeping with the same woman. I also want my first son with me and hope he’ll forgive me for abandoning him all those years ago. Currently, I’m almost one month pregnant and I don’t know what to do. Please help me auntie Abena

Written by Abena Magis

Comments

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    • So your parents carried a newborn and dumped him on his father? Wow! And they sleep well? And you too, you didn’t bother looking for your child when you got old enough?? Esewoara

  1. I think u should talk to ur parents to know the exact words they told ur baby daddy b4 handling the baby to him cos per ur husband story the whole family hates u and ur marriage will be dissolve once both family meets cos u have already cos a mess, secondly pls talk to baby daddy and ur husband b4 the family gathering. didn’t u tell ur husband u once had a baby b4 ur marriages or u just 4got abt him and consider him a lots part of ur body?

  2. This how I will go about it. First, forget that you know that the boy is your son.
    Sit your husband down and tell him the story you have told us. Remember that your husband loves you very much. Tell him that now that you can do something about the situation, you want to go and look for your son and that it’s been eating you up.
    Madam, you have to be moody paaa, so that he realizes how deeply this has affected you.

    Now, when you begin the search and it comes back that this is your son… don’t rush. Because by then, your part of the story has been told, leave things to unfold.

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