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Family Secret – My Bro is in Love with Mom

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

God bless you for your support and prayers over the months and the valuable advice from your fans has helped some of us the silent readers. I’m happy that you treat very sensitive issues and want to put mine across to see how best I can be helped. It’s about my brother and how he’s been in love with our mother since childhood. This has been a family secret for long.

So we lived with dad but he kept complaining about my big brother’s behavior. Every baby doesn’t like it when their dad tries to kiss their mother but they stop. Big bro didn’t and continued even after they had me, he was so jealous of me that he tried to harm me so many times and mum decided not to have any more babies after me. She tied her womb without dad’s consent (story for another day).

Dad used to tell me that when big bro was 2 years old, he would wake up just to watch them to see if they’d kiss. Dad raised some money, rented a chamber and hall (one bedroom) and they moved from a single room to the apartment but still big bro didn’t want to change.

It became worse when mum had me. He hated me to the core and though he’s stopped hating me, he merely tolerates me just because I’m his blood. He started insulting dad when he was 5 years old, mum wasn’t supporting dad to beat him. They divorced when I was 4 years and big bro was 8. Since then any man mum tried to marry her will leave. Mum took him to boarding school and he always ran away no matter how far the school was. One time he went missing for 3 days, since then mom stopped taking him to boarding. He was then 11 years old.

She thought he’ll grow out of it but he didn’t. When he went to secondary school, form 1 he went to boarding but came back within a month that he suspects mum has been bringing a man home. We later got to know the man mum was seeing was a con artist who sleeps with women and makes them take loans for him before he vanishes. Bro didn’t go back to boarding again till he finished school.

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Auntie Abena let me tell you how serious this is. I’m 23 now but my bro still sleeps in mum’s bedroom. She’s tired of trying to sack him. One of my aunties sent her an invite 4 years ago to go and spend the holidays in Canada so that she can relocate permanently. My bro slit his wrists. Yes, that bad. So mum didn’t go.

Where hasn’t he been taken to? Pastors, counselors, psychologists etc that now he’ll pull a knife if he hears of such. Auntie Abena I’m talking about my brother being sexually attracted to mum. He’s still a virgin because it’s only mum he wants. That’s what I’m talking about. He’s never done anything to her or even tried to kiss her but it’s like he’s made up his mind that if he can’t have her then no one can.

Mum is very beautiful and cute, it’s we her kids who are taller and bigger than her and men still call her but because of my brother she’s stopped using a mobile phone. If you can’t get her on my phone or the house phone then you’ll have to wait otherwise his tantrums will fill the house. Is there any way I can help her without bro hurting himself? Yes, we all think there’s something wrong with him but he’s still my brother. From the outside we seem like a happy family but we’re not. How do I leave home after school for mum to be alone with him? Who knows what will happen? Please help.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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  1. This is really a sad one. I think the best advice is to take him to see a psychiatrist but he will have none of those. Has he been going to church lately? If so, then you can arrange with the pastor. Best of luck

  2. Mental illness can come in many forms, obsession is one of them. I cannot correctly diagnose his condition because im not an expert. But whatever the case, it needs to be treated with all seriousness. And the family has to do all they can for him to see the experts for help. All you can with it’s seriousness. He needs help.

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