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He Threatened to Kill Me if I Leave Him

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I want to send my story to caution everyone out there to take this thing seriously. If your boyfriend or girlfriend threatens to kill you if you leave him or her, don’t take it as a joke.

We were living peacefully but his jealousy was too much. We dated for almost 5 years and both our families knew each other. My parents wanted him to marry me quickly but I wanted to finish with my schooling first. I never cheated but he always suspected me and sometimes came to campus just to monitor me. I introduced all my friends, especially, my few male course mates to him but, he wasn’t happy.

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If I missed his call then it meant I was with a guy. If he called and it was on call waiting, I’d have to add him as a conference call to know whom I’m talking to. Otherwise he’ll call for a thousand times and question me so many times. He always went through my messages and will call any strange number he saw on my phone. It was boring but he didn’t want to stop.

Getting to my final exams, I needed space to study but he wasn’t allowing me. I told him to give me some space but he told me if I’m using that to break up with him, I should think again. That he will kill me if I leave him. If he doesn’t marry me then he won’t allow anyone to do so. I just told him to give me space.

Fast forward, I finished with my exams and he came to help me pack and send the things home. I was hoping now that I was home with my parents, he will slow down but he became worse. Initially, my parents weren’t okay with his tribe but accepted him after getting to know him. Yet, this guy will call me that he suspects my parents want to give me to another guy. Then he said, he’s going to rent a place for us to move in together. I told him that I cannot move from my parents’ house to his without the benefit of marriage. He said my parents will understand.

He came to do the Knocking and right there, asked if we could move in. My dad told him that’s not how it’s done. He has to marry me the proper way, then he can carry his bride away. The two uncles he came with also said the same thing.

Auntie Abena, that’s where the troubles started.

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This guy started me calling me more than 50 times a day. I had to tell him what I was doing, where I was going, whom I was talking and what I’ll be doing next. Then he’ll call to verify if indeed I was doing what I told him. The whole house became fed up hearing his ring tone. Actually, I got exhausted and told telling him my phone was giving me problems. Sometimes he’ll call me and it’s off (intentionally). He used to call my mum but anytime he called, she’ll tell him she’s not at home to give the phone to me. He came to take the contact of a woman who sews near my house and called her every day to talk to me. This woman also got tired leaving her store to call me so stopped picking his calls.

Auntie Abena, can you believe that my ex thought I had planned with my mum and the woman so that I could cheat on him? I got fed up and called it quits. He came there and my father drove him out. Everyone was fed up with him but he refused to listen to them.

Then he started threatening me with messages that if I think I’ve met someone, he’ll show me he’s a mafia. He kept sending me messages so I blocked him. I wasn’t dating anyone or dreaming of dating but sometimes when I get lonely, I will call one of my friends, just to talk.

One day, an old mate of mine came to pay me a visit. When he was leaving around 7 PM I decided to go and see him off at the station. Then a boy from nowhere came to tell me that he has something to tell me. He pulled me to one side and said, someone says he’s watching me. Eiiii, I became so scared. I told the boy to go. I was walking and looking around me so scared. I went back home to tell my dad who told me to calm down. Nothing will happen to me. I said okay.

I finally got a job at a cold store. The pay was good and my colleagues were very friendly. One of them became my bestie and the man I love. He lived in my area but not close to my street so he started dropping me home before going to his. My ex got to know, somehow got his contact and started threatening him. Auntie Abena, this is a police case oh. I know what I’m talking about.

At first, I didn’t want to tell my new boyfriend everything but after the threats I told him. I also went to tell my parents and begged them to invite his family. I thought that if they told his family what he was doing, they’ll talk to him to stop. My dad thought it wasn’t necessary because Knocking isn’t marriage and if we’ve broken up, there’s no need. But he assured me he’ll invite my ex over and talk to him. He called this boy but he refused to pick it. He called called but still my ex refused to pick. I went to his house one day to ask him why he wasn’t picking my dad’s calls and he nearly raped me.

I told my boyfriend and he got angry, called and blasted him. My ex told him that he should wait and see. He also told him that he’ll kill me if he tries to marries me. Even though we returned the drinks for the Knocking, he still told my love that he’s done the Knocking and we’ll be getting married soon. He kept saying, “leave my wife alone.”

One day, we were on our way to a restaurant when my ex approached us with a knife that he’ll kill both of us. My boyfriend didn’t allow him kraa and they started fighting. I was screaming at them to stop and started shouting for people to come and help. Luckily, the assemblyman for my area called the police at the barrier to come there and that’s how they stopped my ex from killing my boyfriend. He was arrested and currently in jail.

To cut it short, I want my fellow ladies out there to never take such threats for jokes. Some guys can be possessive and even if they say it as a joke, they mean it. They aren’t joking at all.


Written by Abena Magis

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