DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I am dying slowly and don’t know who to talk to about my issue. I’m a young girl in my early 20s and a student nurse in a private institution. In 2018 I met a man who’s about 30 years older than me. We became friends and after some time he proposed.
Honestly for the first time in my life, I fell in love in a way I couldn’t even understand. One may ask if the age difference didn’t matter to me. Yes, it didn’t matter because he treated me like an adult and was never patronizing.
During a conversation one day, he asked me what I wanted to do in future. I told him I wanted to continue my education. He immediately promised to sponsor my education till I completed. He even asked me to tell my parents. Initially they weren’t soo comfortable with the idea as they didn’t want him to take advantage of me. I didn’t tell them we were dating, I just didn’t have the courage to.
Fast forward to a year later, he’d fulfilled his promise and paid for my tuition, gotten a place for us to live in and was taking good care or me. I felt he was too perfect because he really treated me so well.
Then one day I was watching some videos on his phone with him when a message popped up. The text was from a lady which made me confront him. He told me she was his ex. He had wanted to marry her but couldn’t because she is a Jehovah Witness girl while he is a Moslem. Because her parents refused to agree, they had to break up. However, they remained just friends.
I accepted it and forgot about it. Things were fine until one day he told me that he really loved me but our age difference was his problem. He wanted the very best for me so should I find a man I want, I should tell him and he would walk away. He also promised to still take care of me financially till I became independent. I told him I didn’t care but he was adamant. We finally agreed that after I finished school we will break up amicably and go our separate ways.
Things went back to normal until I got pregnant. Honestly I was scared. We later decided to abort it and both felt quilty especially him.
Fast forward to December last year, I realized he was secretly meeting with his so called ex. I even went to the extent of chatting her up because he always lied but my instincts told me otherwise. So I took her number and sent her a message only to get a shock of my life that they never broke up. They were still together.
I confronted him but he was able to convince me to forgive him. What made me believe him more was that we stayed together and spent most of the time together. He could even leave his office to come home and be with me for sometime. In fact his actions made me feel he loves me.
Everything went back to normal only for him to tell me last month that he’s planning to get married. The father of the lady had finally agreed. I really cried but he told me that it’s for the best because we don’t have a future together.
That one day I will understand him on why he has to let me go. He knows I’ve fallen for him so much which would make it impossible to let him go like we agreed. He’s now rented a place for me to live in alone. He’s still taking care of me and paying my fees like he promised but, honestly I don’t want that.
I just want him and I have lost so much weight. It hurts to know I was just an option in his life and that he never loved me. He just used me for two years and now that the lady’s parents have agreed he wants to get rid of me like trash. I feel soo empty.
One may ask where my parents have been. I’ve never told them about all these. How do I tell them? They will be so disappointed in me. They send me money as well. I feel soo empty. I just need to talk to someone. Please no insults and keep me anonymous 😊