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His Mom Told Me Everything

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My fiance of 7 years is getting married today to a “colleague” of his. He was with me all throughout last week and even this week was with me on Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday, he told me he’ll be traveling this weekend. I know it’s a lie. His mother has told me everything and it hurts.

I’ve always been the quiet type who doesn’t know how to complain or fight. Let an issue come between us and he’ll talk for hours. I’ll let him finish and talk things through which he hates but aside that we’ve had a good relationship throughout school, national service and now working.

His mother always told me to become more aggressive because her son needs someone to control him. He’s a loud extrovert who was always in toxic relationships until we met. He later told me he likes how I ground him and he’s learned to be more in control of his emotions.

Last year, he became very close with this colleague he’s marrying today. I asked how come the girl was calling him at odd hours and he said she was going through a bad breakup. I told him to be careful because she could easily fall for him since she’s vulnerable. That’s it. He became angry and complained that I don’t trust him. That he’s an adult and knows the difference between right and wrong.

Around August this year, he got angry over a trivial issue and refused to pick my calls for 4 days. On the 3rd day, his mum called to ask me if everything is ok between us to which I said yes. She asked if I was sure and I told her we fought over an issue and he’s now refusing to pick my calls. All she said was “hmmm.”

When he finally picked my calls, I told him his mum called but the way he was questioning me about what she said made me very suspicious. I only told him she wanted to find out how I was and how my family too were doing. He watched me for sometime but I brushed it off.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, she called again and told me her son’s doing something she wants to tell me but not on phone. She travelled all the way to my workplace so I took her to a guest house because she was worried the son could come to my place unannounced. What she told me hmmm.

That the son told his family some months ago that I cheated on him and aborted a baby he thinks isn’t his. So he’s met someone who makes him happy and since he’s not getting any younger wants to quickly marry her. When the mother wanted to call me so that they ask me what happened, he told them I’m a pretender and a liar.

The others believed him but the mother knowing the kind of woman I am knew it was a lie. She confronted him but he told her he can’t marry me. She said as a mother, she has 3 other daughters and she can’t as a mother watch her son treat me and shame me. I was shocked, eiiiiiiii. I cheated and aborted?

He’s the first man I’ve been with and no other. I’ve always insisted on condom which is why I’ve never gotten pregnant. My heart just broke into pieces. She asked me what do I want to do because she’d told the family she won’t agree to the marriage but her husband and the others were supporting the son. I told her it’s ok. He knows what he’s doing. If it’s good for him, I wish him well.

He came to me last week to spend some days. I’ve not been feeling well since the revelations so he nursed me. This week he came over to check on me. I almost asked him about today but kept quiet.

He’s created a new account which he’s using and blocked me on it. A mutual friend asked me if that’s his other account because she thought it could be a scammer. I realized I’d been blocked so used her account to check it out. I didn’t tell her anything but created another account to monitor her. He’s been posting about the girl.

Simce yesterday, I’ve shed so much tears that my eyelids are puffy and I’ve a splitting headache. I nearly drank parazone but his mother had told my mum so both of them called me throughout last night. They care so much about me that I can’t waste my life like that. He’s not worth it.

I called him around 6 and his phone was off. I know the venue but I won’t go. Rather, I’ll go and stay with my parents for sometime. My question is how do I interact with the mum after this? She really loves me and she says she’s only met the son’s fiancee just twice. Should we still be talking? Won’t it be weird? We spoke at 4 AM and I know she’ll call again.

Do I confront him or wait till he finally tells me himself? My head feels like it’s splitting from my neck. Please post it for me.

I need advice or encouragement because I’m tired of crying.

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Written by Abena Magis

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  1. Mame keeps the woman as your Godmother forget the guy and move on count. The number of people who loves you then you will know you have to live and be happy. Dear please don’t ask him and don’t give him access to you. God will bless you.

  2. You are a good girl but he has taken you for granted. Some people get attached so much to new people they meet such that they forget about you that they started with. He is not worth it. I know it hurts soo bad but let him go! For him to tell those lies about you means he wants get rid of you. Take it as a lesson. His marriage with the new girl won’t take him anywhere. Mind you, Never, Never take him back when he hits a rock and comes back to you to to apologize. Never take him back even when his mother talks to you to accept him when he comes back. As for his mother. Continue to be cool with her. Don’t be rude to the mother because of what the son has done to you. Forget the guy and move on.

  3. You should have attended the wedding with a friend and let him see you there… however let him know you are aware of his wedding and all , tell him what ever is in your heary and block him …go and stay with your mum and work on yourself , improve yourself and work very hard it will help relieve you…you would find someone better but for now heal and work on yourself…when he comes back to apologize never accept him even if his mother intervenes ..move on and boss up he will see you shy..don’t let this situation make you bitter towards men …just shine your eyes the next time and keep in touch with his mom but tell her not tell you anything concerning him or update you with anything going on in his life

  4. My only worry is, if u don’t confront him, or tell him ur piece, he might return when he has issues in his marriage, he might use u as a marriage support. Pls just remember, when that time comes choose right, let go ,n move on , u will find someone better than him. N when u do u will ask ur self, aaaa, so he was there, n I was looking everywhere n going through pain like that. My dear, it is part of the test process, before we qualify for the school of marriage.

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