DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Good afternoon. I have a boyfriend whom I love with all my being. Months ago, I was ready to say yes to him whenever he popped the “will you marry me?” question but now, things have changed. And, I don’t know how to turn him down without hurting him.
We’ve been in a relationship for three years and I know he loves me just as much as I do him. My mum passed away just six months ago and my perception on relationships and love has drastically changed. The pain I felt from her passing is so great that I’m afraid to lose anyone I love again.
I currently have four siblings and a dad who have also been greatly affected by her passing. I know this is because of the love we had for her and she for us. Now, when I imagine getting married or being in a relationship, I imagine the probability of feeling the pain I’m feeling now if my husband passes before I do.
Frankly I don’t want to feel this pain anymore and I don’t want him to feel it either should I pass on before he does. I know it would be devastating to him if he really loves me the way he claims he does. I also imagine my kids going through the pain my siblings and I are going through now and wouldn’t wish that for them or for me when I pass or they pass before I do.
Long story short, I don’t want to get married anymore. I want an out of this relationship. Even though I really love him, I feel the pain of staying away from him will be much much less compared to what we’d both feel if one of us passes.
I need your help on how to tell him I want an out without hurting him anymore than it would. I overhead him talking about marrying me and I think he can pop the question any moment from now. I don’t want to turn his proposal down because that would be harder. Please help, it’s urgent.