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I Don’t Blame Anyone For the Abuse I Went Through at the Hands of My Husband

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I’m single by choice after what I went through in my marriage but I don’t blame anyone but myself.

We got married and everything was beautiful. My husband was my dream come true and everyone who knew us always told me how lucky I was to land such a big fish because he had money. Any friend who said anything negative, I pulled away from them. He had introduced me to a very expensive lifestyle: trips abroad, club hopping, expensive jewelery and perfumes, designer clothing, expensive hotels and cars and what have you.

I was a receptionist when we met but he made me stop 6 months to our wedding and after marriage told me he will no longer look for the job he promised because he wants me to stay at home and stay beautiful. After 7 months, he started complaining of lost deals and that he needed money otherwise his bankers would be on him. I didn’t know what to do and the money involved wasn’t small at all. He woke me up one dawn and told me that he’s begging me. One of the people he owes wants him arrested. There’s a man who can help him but will ask for something in kind. He’s begging me to have sex with him. “Nana what are you saying?”

He begged me for 3 days and threatened to have me arrested alongside for enjoying all the money with him if I don’t do it. I decided to do it and he took me to one popular spot at Adabraka. From there, we moved to an expensive hotel in Dansoman which is where the man wanted to sleep with me. We went 3 rounds before I went home and he called my husband to tell him the amount has been settled, GHS14,000 cancelled just like that over 3 rounds? I was shocked that was all it took this man to forgive my husband’s debt.

Auntie Abena, I was so naive and my husband took advantage of it. If he needed a contract, he’ll let me go and talk to the person and convince them with my body. There was one man who told me to always ask for TNT from any man I have a meeting with in a hotel (they all thought I was my husband’s marketing executive). I did that and could be given from $500 to GHS2000 as TNT apart from the funds my husband was requesting.

Gyimi (fool) like me, I’ll still go and give him all the money. Now these men started demanding to meet me and my husband became jealous. It was shocking to me. If any payment delayed, he’d beat me up to convince the CEO or businessman to be hurry with it but if they can me too, he doesn’t like it. This went on until one day, one boss who owns a business at the Kaneshie Industrial area told me I don’t deserve to be treated this way because he saw the marks at my back. I told him it’s my husband but didn’t tell him my boss was my husband. He advised me to report him. I didn’t.

Now my husband started cheating on me. I also found out he had 3 kids with 2 baby mamas. Also I wasn’t the first girl for him to use this way. He used plenty girls but married me because some of his big clients preferred doing business with a married man. I felt betrayed and hurt but I still stayed until one day, he brought one of his girlfriends home. I got angry and told her to walk her out and he beat me until I passed out.

I almost died and anytime I slept in the hospital, I saw myself in a coffin being buried and my husband would be watching me without saying anything. That’s when I decided to walk away and I prayed to God to give me one last chance to live and I’ll change from my ways. He heard my prayer and I’m alive today. My husband refused to grant me a divorce until I threatened to leak everything he’s been doing. I had to run away and hide after some threats to kill me.

Yes my husband did say he’ll kill me. I just blame myself for all these because my then best friend warned me about this guy that he’s too flashy and she doesn’t think he’ll take me anywhere, I didn’t listen and rather told her it’s jealousy. I didn’t have to sleep with those men and could have walked away from the marriage but I didn’t want to go back to being a receptionist and wearing cheap clothes. I never reported him either. I’m gathering the courage to do so but this abuse is real. Sometimes it’s the person you least expect to abuse you that will be doing it.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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