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I Fought to Keep My Husband

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I’m one of your silent readers. I didn’t know I’ll one day share my story because when it comes to issues of your husband cheating on you, most people will tell you to leave especially if you’re the breadwinner. Yes. You read right.

It’s a long story but I’ll try to shorten it for you. My husband is in the civil service but his pay is 5 times less than my own. I gave him the due respect a woman has to give her man even when his family told him to leave me because they said I’m too flashy, too rich and will be arrogant.

Our wedding was expensive not because I could afford it but because he told me that’s the kind he’d always wanted but for lack of money didn’t think he could afford it.

From the beginning of our relationship, we had a 100% transparency and told each other everything. We sent each other our location when we were going somewhere and could pick the other’s calls and read messages. 2 years into marriage, all that changed.

He suddenly had locks on his phone and started keeping things away from me. I had then miscarried our first pregnancy and lost a huge investment so it was a trying time for me. Then I found out he was going out with his ex. This very ex told him when they were young that he’s too poor for her tastes and dumped him bitterly.

Years later, he was using my money to spend on her. I became very bitter. He’d told her things about me, both true and untrue and so, she was basing her actions on them. I reached out to tell her I’m his wife and she asked me “and so?.” If he’s married to me, isn’t he allowed to have friends? Heh. I opened my mouth.

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She was very cheeky that day and he also came home and insulted me for calling her. Telling me that he never sent me to snoop on his phone for her contact. His family were supporting her. She became like a messiah to them and they made me feel so stupid. I supported by paying school fees, providing any financial aid and that was my thank you?

But I had told myself that a good marriage has its challenges. I would only leave if he became abusive or did something which will endanger me or our kids but if it’s cheating, I’ll stay. He made it so clear he’s cheating. Things were becoming better for him so he thought he had arrived.

I pulled back all my support and went to rent another place. I took my 2 cars, and had my brothers go and remove all my things from where we were living (it was a company apartment) and informed one of my colleagues to force him out. After some time when his side chick realized things weren’t the same again and he couldn’t buy her all the expensive things, she started giving him a hard time. He no longer had my money to support him.

I started calling him sometimes to come and eat. That’s when he realised the gem he was leaving for the charcoal. Nobody told him to break up with him and tell his family to leave me alone.

You see auntie Abena, a lot of us forget that some men are raised differently so you can’t use the usual ways of doing things to change them. My father in law is a womanizer who didn’t marry my husband’s mother. So he grew up thinking it’s ok as a man to have different women. I had to make him understand that having one woman who is ready to support you is the best.

We have 2 kids now and he’s very transparent. I don’t think I’ll always trust him again but he’s shown that he’s willing to change and that’s the best thing for me and my kids.

Note: when things started getting better for him after we got back, his ex side chick tried coming back into his life but he always gave the phone to me when she called and blocked the number after that. He also warned his people to respect me or they won’t get any help from him again.

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Written by Abena Magis

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