in

I Still Love Her But I’m Confused.

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My girlfriend has been of great help to me. She has really helped me in so many ways. I am great friends with her mother and step siblings as well. She has had all the patience in this world for me. When I moved to my place I was not even having a mattress but she even gave me money to buy one. I can’t mention all the things she has done for me but has helped me more than anyone I have met in my life. Until I met her I did not believe in ladies who supported their men. Corona made me lose my job and I’m currently unemployed.

It all started when I saw my girlfriend smoking shisha with her sister. I was so alarmed that I wanted to quit. She said she wanted to quit but I have grown fond of her that I could not let go. Days later I found out that the guest house she said her uncle owned was actually a brothel built by her dad and surprisingly that was where they stayed. She also lied about her place of work until I found out with my own investigation. I had conversations with so many people and they said that it does not matter.

Later I found out that the girl has been lying to me about so many things. She has had numerous guys and has practiced friends with benefits for long with numerous people. She also masturbates while she does video calls with these friends.

Though I was frightened, I had also been a bad boy in the past so I let it go. It was her past so I let it go. She started going through my messages so I also did the same. Things I saw made my heart jump out.

I broke up with her on several occasions but the love was so deep that I kept settling issues with her. Sometimes I beg her to stay but on other occasions she also begged me saying that she will be miserable if I leave.

Fast forward people that I thought were her friends that I trusted also engaged in the act with her. Even months into our dating this girl still sent out her naked pictures to them and still does naughty video calls with them. People I thought were her friends. The painful thing is she mentions different names until I found out myself.

One time I even found out that she has also engaged in the act of lesbianism but she told me she had just started it. I couldn’t take it that I fainted and I was admitted to the hospital. (She has a sis who is also a lesbian. The one she went out with to smoke the shisha).

I told a few friends of hers about what she does and the whole conversation changed. They asked her to leave me as I am not a good person because I insulted her and said things out of anger. So I decided to approach her mother and tell her who her daughter is but to my surprise her mother said that she will poison her if she finds out her daughter does any of these because her step sister has disgraced the family enough.

I was alarmed and kept quiet. The friendship with her mother started from there. From time to time I report to her mother and tell her some of the trivial things her daughter has done. I can’t say everything to her but gradually made things about her known to her mom.

Because I still love her I made her change her contact so that all these people will not contact her again. We had a discussion and she agreed to it. But just last weekend I broke up with her because she did something I told her I dislike.

I went to my hometown at that time. For three good days I had not heard from her but her mother communicated with me and even told me she sleeps at my place sometimes when she does not go to the brothel.

So I came to Accra because there was a desire in me to see her and settle issues. I love her to the core. I don’t even stay a day without seeing her. The only exception is when I am out of town. When I arrived, I went to her house to settle issues but upon my arrival at the gate I was confronted with a fight because I told her the previous night that I will come for my keys.

We exchanged words and even accused me of stealing her phone. So the next day I went to see her mother but was denied by her. Out of anger I took her keys that I am going to open the door so that I will speak to her mother because I knew she was in there. After I took the keys I was still sitting on a bench with her but she started making noise and people gathered around us.

The lady slapped me upon realisation that people were around. Other people hit me because I wanted to retaliate. Her family said numerous unpleasant things to me. She was avoiding me and shouted and things blew out of proportion because she thinks I will tell her mom who she really is after our break up. It was a promise we made on 31st December that if she misbehaves her mom will know the truth.

Her mother was not there but she and her family assaulted me (I was insisting to see her mother because I learnt she was sick. I also wanted her to know of my arrival from my village as she gave me things to give to my mom). Am so close to her mother that we can talk for hours on the phone.

So I went back to my hometown after the incident to see my mother because she is very ill. Two days later after I was called, her mother was admitted at the hospital. I came back to support her because her mom’s sickness is serious. I don’t want to mention the kind of sickness but in as much as it is serious my mom is more sick than her mom but I left to support her. (Love will kill me). That tells you how much I love her.

When I came to Accra I went straight to the hospital. I requested that I get her phone to do something but she objected. Later I saw her uninstalling her WhatsApp when I was stretching my neck. Later we came home around 12 pm as we went to one major hospital in search of blood for her mother. We were delayed, that’s why we came that late.

Surprisingly none of her friends and family members who claimed I’m not a good person visited her mom at the hospital. Together with her we had little sleep through the time her mom was at the hospital. We went to different hospitals the next day at night for another blood.

I took her phone later when she gave it to me to request for Uber. To my surprise this girl has contacted all the ex-boyfriends and the people she was doing the naughty stuff with. I scrolled through her chat and realised that she was also engaging in the act with someone I trusted as her friend. She even said I have destroyed her relationship with other people (the guys she had video sex with and her lesbian partner).

Her family and friends don’t know the whole story between me and her but she has narrated it in a way for me to be the culprit. She wants us to continue our relationship but I am afraid of the person she is now. She betrayed all my trust in human beings because I trusted that she had changed. We had an agreement that it is best that we cut these people off as it is not healthy for our relationship and she accepted it willingly.

My request for settling this whole issue is that she tells her family who she really is and accepts that she wants to change then I will make things work between us but she is objecting. She is claiming that her mother is sick and her granny too is going through a lot and can’t take all of these. The thing I am trying hard to get is if she knows she is wrong and her family must not know who she really is why then is she painting me black in front of her friends.

She takes my phone as well but because she does not see anything alarming she is claiming she does not take it. She loves to lie but one thing is that I was trained as a journalist and her body language tells me she is lying when she does. Can she be saved from all these as she is not willing to accept the truth. I also get angry at her when she does something of that sort but her friends told me I am always the culprit and I’m not supposed to take her phone.

To my surprise only a week of my absence she joined a social media dating platform. Upon my return seven new guys have popped up on her phone. My problem is after we had settled all our differences this girl came to my village to meet with my family. She did not tell the guys the truth and she still contacts them.

Please what should I do? Should I move on with my life or I should reconsider my decision? I love her deeply and I’m tearing apart.

Want to share your story anonymously?
Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Esther

What's On Your Mind

My Emotions Are Torn Between Two Men.

I Really Want Our Relationship To Work.