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I Still Think of Him After that Night

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Please I know everyone will judge me but I need solutions aside the insults. I’ve been lost in my thoughts for weeks and can’t think of anything else.

My husband is the first man I’ve ever been with. He married me a virgin and sex with him has always been painful but he keeps telling me it’s my duty as his wife to give so I shouldn’t withhold myself from him. We married when I was 21 and I’m now 33 years of age. With the sex because I never discussed it with anyone I thought it’s normal and if someone says it’s nice will tell them what is depicted in movies isn’t the same thing in real life.

Fast forward, we went for a funeral somewhere in Western North. One of his cousins that I’ve never met before came to meet us and gave me a thick hug, very tight one. I immediately felt some wetness, auntie the very first time I’ve ever felt that that I thought I wanted to urinate but went and just a little came. I saw him again and I felt the same thing hmm. I just prayed against it and switched my mind to something else.

That evening, after we had finished with the cooking and the serving, he came to sit by me and asked for the food he told me to keep for him. After he finished, we were talking when he put his hand on the chair and started stroking my shoulder. I shouted, “Jesus!” in my head and walked away because the feeling was so strong.

The funeral was the next day so we the women were told to sleep early because we had to wake up early to cook. We were given one hall to sleep in. I wanted to go and share my husband’s hotel room with him but he told me to stop being stupid. One of the women hinted that she saw him enter the place with one of the loose women in town. That’s not the first time he’s cheated on me so I didn’t talk.

I woke up very early and came out to meet his cousin asleep on a bench. After going to the corner, I came back and he was awake. Then he asked me if I’m happy which I asked him why that question in a rude way.

He pulled me away and told me he knows all that my husband, his cousin has been doing and that he knows I’m not happy. Then he started touching me. I don’t know why I allowed him to finger me but he pushed me to sit on the septic tank and that’s where he fingered me. For the first time in my life, I experienced what I’ve never felt before with my husband.

After everything, when we came home, I used like a joke to ask my husband why he doesn’t finger me and he told me to stop talking like an ashawo (prostitute).

Auntie Abena, this happened last month and since then my husband still doesn’t do anything to me. He’ll just come to bed and tell me to remove my cloth which means it’s time for sex. After he’s done, he’ll turn and sleep.

I’ve still been thinking about his cousin who also took my contact from one of the women and keeps calling to disturb me with love talks. I feel like meeting him this weekend to experience more of what he showed me. I’m confused ????

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Written by Abena Magis

3 Comments

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  1. Seriously its not everything u cn and seek advice on. Some of this things needs application of common sense. U knw d truth and hes hiding it, wat r u to do. Ask him with d evidence u have and if he till swear and denies dn u cme to us and seek advice. But dnt cme to use if u havnt asked him whiles u have evidence.

  2. Seriously a cousin who does not even care about fingering a cousin’s wife is worse than even your husband. He must be a womaniser. Mind you my dear don’t fall for his tricks cos you will regret it. If you want to experience some new you start the sex foreplay cos may be your husband doesn’t no how to do it regardless he is a man .

  3. the way your story goes, It looks as if intimate conversation hasn’t been a part of your marriage for a long time. But sit him down and pour all your worries out to him. Let him know about how you don’t enjoy the sex, how he controls you in bed, how he never considers your feelings in bed, and how you want to try new things like fingering and others.
    Take control of the sex sometimes and get him to do what YOU want .
    And abt his cousin, sweetie it may be a sweet experience and all, but mind you, he’s family and things could get nasty if people find out. Don’t meet with him. Let it go and try new things with your husband.

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