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I’m Failing to Bond With My Mum

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Good evening to you and Mano fans. There is no doubt every single soul loves their mother to the core and to the extend some even have a very good connection as a mother and daughter love😍 but it’s different on my side. On my growing up as a child, my mother left for abroad when l was about 4 years so the bond that could have developed isn’t there.

l was taken in by my mum’s elderly sister’s daughter who was married. They took me in till l got to know that my mum was abroad. That phase was when l was in JHS 1. l know someone will ask that at least at the age of 4years you should have been able to know that you have a mom. Yes of course l did but, in a way, my sister or cousin which is my mum’s elderly sister’s daughter made it look like my mom never sent me anything.

In order not to get ourselves confused, l will address the woman l was staying with as Lolo (Please this isn’t her real name but for the sake of easy identification or understanding).

So it wasn’t till l got to JHS before l found out that whenever my mother sent stuff to us, Lolo will give them to her daughter and give me her daughter’s old clothes to wear. Though her daughter was way older than me, her dresses were ok for me because in our family we have body.

So l had this perception that my mother had abandoned me and my dad and maybe who knows gotten married to someone else and just moved on in life. Hmmm auntie Abena the treatment l went through made me vow not to ever leave my children in the hands of my own relatives (Even though l am not married or given birth before). With how my own relatives treated and molested me, I’d rather leave my kids with strangers than family.

l had to find ways and means to get in touch with my mother because the phone she brought for me was seized by Lolo’s daughter all in the name of I’m too young to use a phone else boys will start proposing to me at that age. Lo and behold l got the chance to steal my mom’s number form Lolo’s phone and when l got to school on Monday, went to my English Madam and poured everything to her since she really liked me

She called my mum for me during breaktime. Sincerely speaking l was glad l could talk to her without anyone around for me to say what l wanted to say. I was able to tell my mum everything concerning what I was going through, and how they kept my stuffs and gave me worn and old clothes to wear.

On the other side of my story 😪 Lolo’s husband started making advances towards me when l got to JHS 3. This man will chase any male friend of mine who came to look for me except my female classmates. l wasn’t allowed to make friends in our neighborhood due to that I’m a little bit the indoor type and don’t really know how to socialize with people much😣😣.

When Lolo traveled, this man will come to our room and try to have his way with me but sometimes Junior (their son whom I was 2 years older than) will wake up. At that time too l got to know that l had a half-sister from a different father and she was always with our mother when she vacated from school and along the line she came to stay with us.

Lolo’s husband started looking in her direction. One day he tried kissing her and gave him a dirty slap. This resulted into a very heated family fight which made the man to send my sister packing. My heart aches so much and am full of tears with lots of vengeance whenever l recall my childhood.

Auntie Abena, this man will go to work latest by 5am but will come home around 12pm in the afternoon in the name of coming to check up on us. Then he will send the maid to go and buy something and tell Junior to go and play football so that l will be left alone with him oo😔😔 Then this man will pull his prick from his trousers and put it in my mouth 😢

After he is okay, he will make me swear that if l dare tell anyone about it he will personally kill me. 😳 As a foolish kid and how Lolo always shouted at me, it made me more afraid to open up to her. Their daughter never liked me too so l was all alone.

This went on for a period of time. Since he couldn’t penetrate me, he only fingered and put his prick in my mouth until l got myself a boyfriend. l was about writing my B.E.C.E and he was in SHS 2. From the onset l didn’t like him because l was afraid and l didn’t trusted anyone due to what l was going through.

Auntie Abena this guy managed to make me come over to his place after I was done writing my BECE. He saw how I always panicked when Lolo’s husband called me. He asked me and l opened up to him.

Around that same time, my mother was trying to help me go and stay with her abroad. I was denied visa 3 times so l told hernot to worry. She should let my half-sister finish university, since she normally goes there for vacation. Then when she starts working she could concentrate on helping me since my dad died when l was in class 6.

My sister got to UK and she met a divorcee. Mum and l knew she had a boyfriend in Ghana whose mum was also my mother’s friend living abroad, but sissy all of a sudden said she wants to marry the man if he proposes to her. Mom said no, she wouldn’t allow it and it turned out into a different set of fight between the two of them. For the past 9 years no one knows her whereabouts and now back to my story.

I saw my mother for the second time last year October, Auntie Abena and family😩

It was all tears of joy because for the past 18 years l saw my mum again for the second time in my life. I couldn’t hold back my tears and so did she. All these years l was moving from relative to other people. When the time came for us to stay together it became a whole chapter on its own.

Let me give out a little intro of me due to how and where l was staying. (In Lolo’s house we only went out when we were going to school, church or a family friend’s event) and with school we had our own taxi which came for us from the house to school and vice versa so you can imagine how timid and reserved l was.

But on the other hand my mom is a very free woman who wants to vibe with her daughter to the extend of sharing secrets together but l can’t even if l try. I normally feel pity for myself and my mother for letting her pass through this and l don’t judge her by saying this because she left me but it’s because of how l was brought up and what l went through whiles growing up.

I’m a student of University of Cape Coast and when some of my roommates are talking to their mother it’s so very lovely and interesting. But for me when l try, we’ll vibe for a while but it later fumes out like smoke into tiny air which is making this woman have a second thought that maybe l might one-day do to her what my sister did to her by calling her names because she can’t feel the love l have for her.

Honestly, l dearly and sincerely love my mother Margaret so much😭😭but l just don’t know how to show it physically to her. This is really weighing her down because she literally complains to every relative she trusts that it seems she is losing me and she regrets leaving to go abroad. This matter is really killing me inside because l sometimes don’t want to stress her especially with my school stuffs mpo.

I love her dearly but due to my upbringing and what my sister made her to pass through, l don’t normally want to bother her with a lot of stuffs even though she is doing extremely well for me. l pray l gain the scholarship which l applied at the Ghana Secretariat scholarship so that at least she can have a little rest on thinking about my hostel fees and school fees.

I now make Abele at home to save some money so l can pay for my hostel fee. I want to have a neutral motherly and daughter bond with my mum because she is my only only hope apart from God. l wish her long life, strength and good health to take care of me and l promise l won’t disappoint her like my sister did.

But unfortunately, I don’t know what to do or how to do it to let my mom know how much I really love her or to have that bond with her. I’m stuck. Please advice me.

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Written by Abena Magis

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