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I’m Pregnant but It’s not My Fiance’s

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I really need advice on this issue. I’m in USA at the moment and from a certain African country. I’m very confused right now and I’d been thinking of needing an advice from a neutral source like yours.

For the past 5 years, this guy kept asking for my hand in marriage. I kept declining because I didn’t feel the same as he did but for some reasons, my parents came in and helped him to persuade me into accepting his proposal and marrying him.

Somewhere in the middle of this year, I accepted the proposal. I still don’t love him or feel any kind of emotions for him. I ended up accepting the proposal because my parents made me believe he’s got all it takes to take good care of me and they made me understand that love grows and I’ll learn to love him with time.

He went to pay my bride price but we’ve never had anything sexual. I don’t often meet him but one of the few times I met him, he got so tense as to why I’m not being able to reciprocate the love and care he’s been showing to me for the past 5 years. In the heat of that argument, he hit me in the neck countless times and I got bruises and bled from my nose.

Somewhere in August this year, whiles the wedding plans were ongoing, I met another guy. I started talking to him and we ended up falling in love with each other. He loves me so much and I can feel it. I also love him so much, more than I’ve ever loved any guy in the past.

He’s smart, he makes it so easy for me to submit to him, and there’s this natural connection between us, something I’ve never really felt with any man in the past. We’ve grown to be so fond of each other and I’ve ended up getting pregnant for him, though the pregnancy is less than a month old.

Right now I’m in a dilemma—I’m thrown between the options of calling for a cancellation of the wedding and continuing my love life with my new boyfriend and the father of my unborn baby, or aborting this baby I’m carrying and continuing with the wedding arrangements which is scheduled to take place in March.

I’m convinced that I’m in love with this guy and he loves me too. I trust him and trust that he wouldn’t let me down. He assures me of that every day and is proud and glad to have a baby with me and spend our lives together. Yet, I’m afraid of the unforeseen. I don’t wanna end up a single mom, being a baby mama or losing everything in the end.

The idea of aborting our baby hurts me because we made the baby out of love. And having our baby scares me. My parents might disown me and l fear disappointing friends and family. The bride price has already been paid, and the wedding planners are all going to be disappointed.

I’m also afraid of the future with the guy who’s gone to pay my bride price. What if I fail to love him? What if I get abused in the marriage or he revenges me emotionally for all the pain I’ve caused him when he was trynna get me to accept his proposal? He actually went through a hard time getting me to accept him despite his money and family’s influence in my country. Already he’s hit me out of anger before and that scares me more—What if it’s the first of many uncountable times I’m gonna experience that?

Please advise me, I’m ready to take constructive criticisms, do not care about how I’ll feel, I just need honest and applicable advices. Remember I’m time-bound. The wedding is scheduled to take place in March and the baby keeps growing every passing day. Advice me please!

Written by Abena Magis

3 Comments

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  1. Please run for your life ! Run from the man who paid your bride price and thought to hit. He most likely thinks he owns you; men with that mentality are dangerous. Once he’s hit you even before the conclusion of the marriage rites, he’s sure to hit you again. Please don’t make the mistake of marrying him.
    Let your family and friends get disappointed and cry over it now, rather than have them stand over your grave and cry.
    May God be with you and strengthen and guide you.

  2. It’s your life and not that of your family and friends. Run for the hills as far and fast as you can, with your Beau and unborn baby. Happiness can never be bought. RUN!!!! Once a hitter, always a hitter. Run for your life. If your family and friends are so enthused with that ass of a hitter, why don’t they go ahead and marry him in your place.

  3. Domestic violence should never be encouraged in any shape or form. Once he’s hit you, even when you aren’t married he will hit you again.
    A broken engagement is better than a broken home and it’s better to go back home with a broken engagement than in a coffin. Your family and friends are not going into the marriage with you so you have no business trying to please them at the expense of your sanity.
    Keep the pregnancy, that baby will give you so much joy.

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