in

I’ve Forgiven My Mum But…

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My dad raised 3 girls on his own. I’m the first, then there’s the second and the last baby or Baby Last as we call her. It was a bit difficult managing us especially with #2 who had sickle cell that dad decided not to marry again. He of course did “away” sometimes which we knew but he never had anything serious.

I was 23 years when I first heard my mum had started contacting the Baby Last who was then 18. I was in a teacher training school and hardly heard much until I came home on holidays and heard that mum one day came to the house when dad wasn’t in and took Baby Last out leaving #2 at home because she was then in a crisis.

Dad had to rush home to take #2 to the hospital. Mum refused to go to the hospital and later brought Baby Last home. I already didn’t like her and this made me hate her. Anytime she tried to call me or get closer, I’ll push her away.

She called #2 later though and apologized. When I went back to school, I was told she came to the house again but this time to visit the two girls. Dad warned them against allowing her to visit. Baby Last didn’t listen and was talking as if we were being wicked towards mum.

Auntie Abena, I’m a mother now and I know all the challenges mothers go through but tell me this, which kind of mother will leave her sick child at home and take another out to a restaurant and for shopping?

Don’t mothers cancel job interviews, flights and even lose their jobs just to stay with their kids? Was keeping a promise to Baby Last more important than our sister’s life? Anytime I complained about her behavior, Baby Last talked as if I was jealous of how close she and mum had become. I started getting bitter at their behavior.

When I met my husband he made me understand that I shouldn’t think of their actions and rather concentrate on our lives. When we got ready to get married, dad asked me if I wanted mum there. I said no because dad’s sister (my auntie) had been more of a mother figure to me.

He convinced me to still call and inform her. When I did, she asked if she is expected to sit near dad. I told her no because dad’s auntie will take the things meant for the Bride’s mother. After the ceremony they can all sit down and decide what to do with it. This woman came there and cried all throughout the ceremony. Not just tears oh, she made so much noise that she was asked why and she said I have a cold heart.

That she didn’t know what she’d done to me but even though she’d tried to do everything to make me see how much she loved me, I always pushed her away. And how can my mother be at my wedding and I’m saying the sister of her divorced husband should take the items for the mother. This turned into a long disruption so to cut everything short we gave the items to her.

During the reception, instead of staying with the invited guests, she went to sit with her friends and even fought with the caterer for delaying her food. Amid insults and curses upon curses. My husband’s mother asked him if he’s sure this is the family he wanted to marry in. Hmm.

Well, after marriage I moved on. I had my first baby but only told dad and #2. Baby Last was told after a month because we knew she’ll tell mum. I didn’t want any issues with my MIL when it came to the bathing of the baby. I did same with my other 3 kids and this is an issue she has with me but I don’t care.

Auntie Abena, Baby Last stopped talking to me for 5 years. It’s only recently she started talking to me. Why did she stop? Let me cut the long story short. Mum took her to a fetish priest who told her that I had spiritually stolen #2’s brains which was why she always got sick right before exams when she was in school. And that I changed Baby Last’s face so that any man coming her way will see her like an animal after some time and leave.

I didn’t know all these until Baby Last called me one day and insulted me, calling me a witch. That I’m the cause of our sister’s sickness. That I’m the reason why mum and dad couldn’t make their marriage work. That I’ve been a witch since childhood when I went to school and someone gave me toffee to eat. I came home and got sick and that’s how I got the witchcraft.

I didn’t understand all what she was saying but she insulted me well well. I called mum and gave it to her. She also gave it to me. Baby Last then came to my house but my husband shouted at her just once and she left. We were already going through trying times and she was coming to make things worse.

After that, I told dad that I no longer wanted anything to do with mum and Baby Last again. I removed Baby Last from my next of kin list. I mean I disowned her. When she was going to school, dad asked if I’ll guarantee for her student loan I asked who? Me? Forget. Every Easter and Christmas, I used to send her provisions and add money but I stopped doing all that and washed my hands off her.

Later, I heard that mum forced her to date an old man. Not knowing he was married and his kids were all older than her. These kids ganged up and went to beat her up one day. Dad called and told me to call her and find out how she was doing. I did but she gave me attitude. In fact, mum introduced her to a certain lifestyle that if you talk you’ll turn into my sister’s enemy.

She was doing snapchat premium, charging money for escort and other things. When some of us talked we were insulted so I just shut up and minded my own business.

Abortions? Drug abuse? You name it. My own mother watched her own daughter do things which weren’t good but never told her to stop. My sister had sugar daddies and drove the latest cars. That’s her life so I didn’t envy her.

Recently, she called me begging for my forgiveness that she’d finally realized mum never had her best interest at heart. Anytime a guy came into her life, mum will advice her. If the guy was poor, mum would insult the guy till he leaves. If he’s rich, she’ll make my sister demand for too many things then she herself will go behind her back to demand for more. Because of that any guy who came her way dumped her.

She wanted to get married but the last 2 pregnancies she miscarried without having to abort and was therefore worried she might never carry to full term. Also she regularly had nightmares from some of the things the spiritualists made her do.

Auntie Abena, it’s not that I have oh. I haven’t built a house nor do my husband and I have a car but we have our peace of mind, raising our kids. My kid sister now wishes she could exchange with me.

She came to visit me in a 4×4 and cried because of what mum has put her through. I told her that mum came back into her life when she was 18 years. She was then old enough to discern wrong from right.

Auntie Abena, honestly not every mother deserves the name “mother.” Some are just egg donors without any feeling of love for their kids and it’s always about what they can get from their kids. I sometimes weep that I don’t have that motherly bond with my mother but I prefer keeping my distance. Sometimes she calls to check up on us.

Nowadays, she’s been calling to ask for money because Baby Last doesn’t mind her anymore. Hubby told me to give to her but I’m still thinking about it. If I give it to her, it won’t end there, she’ll keep on demanding for money.

NB: the second born passed on 3 years ago. Mum refused to attend the funeral and only called to ask how the funeral went.

Share your stories anonymously? Kindly send to manokekame@mail.com or send a message to Hujambo by clicking HERE.

Written by Abena Magis

One Comment

Leave a Reply
  1. My dear forget about your mother. Just as you said,some mothers are egg donors keke. They don’t deserve to be called mothers amps. Don’t entertain her with money cus you have no idea where she will take the money to to spoil your finances. My sister ,forget about them(mom&sis) ,am there,u can have me as a brother wai. But with you #2,may her soul rest in peace. Good luck!

What's On Your Mind

I’m in Love with My Friend

I’m Scared to Move On