DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I want to share my abortion story too. This is more than history ooo but I’m sure it will help someone, especially ladies, out there not to give up. Long post ahead.
Before We Divorced
My ex-husband was a cheat. I mean he was cheat mu cheat. The sort of cheating he was doing was professional cheating where even when you catch him, the way he’ll convince you eh. You’ll even start begging him to forgive you for doubting him. Even if you caught him in bed with another woman oh. Also, you’ll never see any suspicious text or call on his phone. He had another one he never brought home. I never knew until one day, a lady called me that she was his wife and sent pictures.
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This man had gone to do the Knocking and she was suspecting him of cheating with me and 3 other girls. Eiiii na mekoma ti (my heart was breaking). When I told her I was his legally married wife, she became angry and insulted me to stop lying. It was through the back and forth he caught know the line. He tried to convince me that yes he knew the girl but he couldn’t stand to lose so broke it off with her. She got angry with him and threatened to pay him back. I didn’t listen because this time his cup was full.
I was scared of contracting HIV and told him since he’s ready to marry somebody else, he should go ahead. He kept on saying he’s broken up with her but this girl will keep on calling with different lines. Any message he sent to her, she’ll send me a screenshot. My family knew all these but still said no way to my petition for divorce. Mum told me that my dad was the same but he’s changed. Auntie Abena, in those days there was nothing like AIDS oh but this woman refused to listen. Hmmmm. I told my uncles that I won’t stay in such a marriage and die. It was one uncle who boldly decided to help me.
Fast forward, his drink was returned and my 2 years marriage was traditionally over, left with the legal side. I was then working as a PA at a law firm but, the pay was on and off due to a lot of issues there. My boss however did very well and paid for a new place for me from his pocket. The deal was to deduct it slowly from my salary which was ok by me. I started feeling some odd pains one day and went to the hospital to check. Then boom, I was pregnant.
By then, my ex-husband was on me to return back to him. He said no to the divorce and told my lawyer he’s not interested in any divorce proceedings. (He even tried to return the drinks but my father told him to hold on). I called him one evening and told him I’m pregnant. The line went dead. I sent a message and realized he’d blocked me. The following day, he unblocked me and told me to abort it because he doesn’t want to have a baby with me. That I was st*pid to allow that girl to lie to me, then he blocked me again.
That evening too he called me and told me he will never want a child with somebody like me. I am wicked. I don’t know how to forgive. That’s why he was cheating on me because my matter is so hard. I have disgraced him. He was just insulting me here and there. This was a big blow to me because he was thinking about only himself but what about me? I was the one seeking for divorce and carrying my ex-husband’s child at the same time.
Then he told me he’ll grant me the divorce on one condition. I should abort it, he’ll send me the money for it and enough to rent again (I didn’t tell him I had my own place by then) and extra for some business. If I don’t abort it, I should never mention his name as the father of the baby. Also, I should never go to him for anything because when he leaves my life, he’ll leave for good.
My family came in and told me to forget about the divorce and stay with him to have the baby. Their concern was how was I going to take care of the baby? I told them Nyame b3y3 (God will do it). I was then 24 years. All my friends told me to abort and start a new life but I wanted this child.
After the Divorce
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Truly too, because I refused to abort, my ex-husband agreed to the divorce. Then he started spreading rumours that he was the one who divorced me because I cheated on him. People who knew he was cheating on me now pointed their fingers at me. They’ll say “men cheat because it’s in their nature but it’s not in a woman’s nature to cheat.”
It was a very sad time for me because he was doing all these just to punish me. He was tarnishing my name. I knew if I ever mentioned his name as the father of the baby, he’ll deny it and say it’s rather for one of the men I cheated on him with. The only member of his family ready to listen was an uncle of his so I went to tell him everything. My ex-husband was called and he denied any knowledge of the pregnancy. I was just looking at him and shedding tears. Then I told him, he’ll come and look for me one day and ask for forgiveness but he won’t be able to talk. He insulted me well well and even pushed me that I’m dirty. Dirty ashawo lol
It was a lonely road being pregnant with little money from anywhere. Sometimes what to eat was very hard for me but my mum will bring me provisions every Friday. That was what I depended on until I put to bed and one uncle of mine gave me a huge amount of money because I gave birth to twins. (He was sowing into my life since he and wife wanted another child). I started doing business and slowly regained my independence.
It was through this business (bread baking) that I saw my twins through school and now they’re in primary 3. When their father got to know the school I’m sending my kids to, he was shocked because it’s a very expensive school. He asked my mum to ask me if he can see them. I told her to tell him that the day he wants to see them, he should send their school fees to me. He hasn’t sent the money since the time I told her.
Then 2 months ago, I was there when my mom told me he’d been going there to ask of the twins. She told him to call me. He couldn’t because during the time he kept blocking me, I also blocked him. He used a different number and I blocked that one too. He told his family to talk to me or he’ll take me to DOVVSU that I don’t want him to see his children. His uncle asked him if he’s been taking care of his responsibilities. He lied that he’s been doing that. Then his uncle took my number from him and called me. I told him that if indeed my ex-husband has been paying the fees then he should show proof with just one receipt. He couldn’t show it.
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Last week, I got a call from a woman. It was from the woman he’s dating now. She was begging me that my ex was in a bad shape and needed help. I called that his uncle and gave her contact to him. His family has since that time been calling me to forgive him because he’s the father of my kids. According to them, they did a search and found out that my tears so many years ago is what is affecting him. They even wanted me to go back to him because I’m still single. I told them no but they are still insisting that for the sake of my kids, I should reconsider. My family is also saying same. It’s not that I’m being petty or being wicked but to me the marriage is over.
I told him that if he wants to see his kids, he should do the right thing but since he can’t afford to take care of them the way I’m taking care of them, he should forget it. Just yesterday, I sent him their pictures and he sent me a video crying for forgiveness. He’s promised to start paying their school fees but is begging me that if school resumes, I should change their school because he can’t afford the fees of the current one. My sister, I want the best for my kids so I’ve told him to forget it.