DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I’m 28, my boyfriend is 27 and my bestie is almost 29 years (next month). I’ve known my bestie for 18 years from the time we stayed in the same hood and became classmates in primary. We attended same SHS and poly before he went on to a university. We’ve been very close because he doesn’t have a sister but has 5 other brothers. I don’t have a big brother so have taken him as one though he’s just a few months older than I am.
My boyfriend and I have dated for 2 years. When we met, my bestie was in a complicated relationship and I was giving him my time but my boyfriend didn’t like it so I limited my conversation with my bestie. We’ve been very happy though we have the usual fights couples go through.
Last year during the election period, my bestie called to ask if I’ll go and vote and I said ok. Before that, my boyfriend asked me if I’ll go but I said I’m not sure because when he asked me, I’d just woken me up. My bestie asked me after I’d finished eating. We registered at the same polling station so we met there, queued and after voting went our separate ways.
Then on the 31st, my boyfriend said he won’t go to church and expected me to go and spend the night with him but I said no. Though I don’t live with my parents, they still expected me to be in church with them. Mum called my bestie to pick me up and we went. We got back to my place around 3:30am so he slept in the hall and left after 8am.
9th January, my boyfriend had some friends coming down so he made me prepare some finger foods for them. The money he budgeted was too small for the number and I realized the drinks and chicken wasn’t enough. Around that time my bestie called me and he wasn’t far from my bf’s house. Thus, I directed him to a store to buy more drinks and chicken. When he brought the things I thought it won’t be fair to tell him to go and told him to wait and join my boyfriend’s friends.
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After everything, my boyfriend told me he didn’t like my bestie being there and that his friends told him I was being disrespectful by letting him him them. I had already explained everything to him but he followed his friends. Ok. I apologized that it won’t happen again.
But since then, my boyfriend has been very cold towards me. I tell him everything that happens around me. On the 1st of January, we did a video call from 4am to 5am and I showed him my bestie snoring on the sofa, we even laughed at him. I tell him and show him chats of any guy I chat with because I’m someone that I’m very big on transparency yet he’s not seeing it.
He ghosted me for almost 2 weeks and after countless calls and messages he refused to answer, he’s now telling me to choose between my bestie and him. He wants me to cut him off completely. I’m saying no because auntie Abena look at this oo. My bestie and I have known each other for 18 years.
He’s dated other ladies and I’ve also dated other guys. He’s been there for me like a best friend should but has never interfered in my relationships. What happens if I cut him off now and this relationship doesn’t work? Shouldn’t I wait till I’m married and then distance myself? My boyfriend is telling me it means I’ve no plans of marrying him which is far from the truth.
But he’s not ready to marry me and now talking of 2024. That’s 3 years from now so what if we don’t get married then? His argument is that I should cut my bestie off and in case we don’t work out, I can go and say sorry and become friends again which I find appalling. That’s wickedness because I wouldn’t like it if my bestie did that to me.
In spite of all these, my boyfriend is still telling me to choose between him and my bestie. Is this fair for any boyfriend to make this demand? Are there any ladies who have faced this same issue? How did they go about it? Thank you.