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My Dad Hated Me Because of My Mum – Advice

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Good evening. Hope you are fine and well. This is my story on a parent hating his or her child because of their partner. Hmmm it happens but I hope no child faces that.

My mum was a trader and my dad, a teacher. Growing up I saw them always quarreling. Mum didn’t take me to school often because she said I liked crying so dad came for me at the age of 3. I really remember that fateful day how they fought when he was coming for me.

So from age 3 it’s been dad who’s always taken care of me but I always knew I had a mum somewhere. I even added her name when I started writing myself in class 1.

My dad saw this and tried to correct me to use my stepmom’s name but I knew she wasn’t my mum. They were yet to marry then. I don’t know what really happened between them but I never remember mum calling to ask of me. However, she showed up in my school when I was in class 5. Dad was angry but I was happy she came because my stepmom wasn’t treating me well.

In JHS 1 second term on the 9th April 2005, I ran away from home because I couldn’t stand the treatment any longer. I left a letter behind for my dad. It broke his heart because he never expected that from me. I was around 13 years .

What he didn’t know was that I had tried suicide about 2 times when I came home and my parents weren’t around. I goofed yes and though I regret it, it’s made me who I am today. That’s when I knew my dad probably hated me hence the treatment. He tried all means possible to get me from away my mom because of her visiting me in school.

I then had to go stay with my granny because my stepmom believed my mum could give me poison to put into her food. Though I regret my actions even till this day, dad has never asked me why I ran but rather feels I’m ungrateful. I remember one time he was sitting with me in a car after he’d gone to get me some items

He turned to me and said “I hate you because you look like your mother. I see her in you.”

Auntie Abena those words have never faded from my memories.

In 2011 my mum died when I was about writing WASSCE. My cousins were told not to tell me. I didn’t know why but I suddenly missed my mum and decided to pass by her place when going home. It was then almost midterm so I told one cousin of mine about my plan only for her to announce my mum’s death to me.

It took me about 3 days to gather courage to ask my dad if he knew it and he said this to me,

“Do you have a mother? Don’t you know I have been your mother and father all this while? You better concentrate on your exams because you have no mum.

It got time for the funeral. My mom’s family were willing to send me money to come so I could pay my last respects to her. I told my dad and he said if I step foot there he will disown me. Thus, I had to forget about going.

After Shs finally my dad told me he can’t take care of me any longer because of reasons best known to him. That was the end of my relationship with him till date. It’s really affected my life and at a time made me bitter but thank God through his words and care for me I am okay now

I have tried all means possible to relate to him but he listens to the people for a while and ghosts me.

He wanted me to be a teacher or nurse but I have always wanted to work in a bank. Today by grace I am pursuing my career as a banker and Friday is exactly 1 year I landed this job. I have made several calls to my dad to share my joy with him but if it’s today he will return my calls dier I don’t know. I am planning to get to surprise him this Christmas and I hope it gets well and he doesn’t sack me from his home.

I am his only daughter and I love my dad. All the rest of his kids are boys. All I want to have is the father figure but charley it’s not working.

As for my stepmom, I don’t want to blame her for all but I know she’s behind some of the decisions my dad has taken towards us. I love her too and I even add her son’s names to my next of kins when filling forms that require it.

It’s been 8 years and counting but I live my life like an orphan because so far it’s only God who has indeed proved his love to me.

Not my mum because she couldn’t fight for me
Not my dad because he left when I needed him most
Not my stepmom because I wasn’t one of her own

So yes it happens that parents get to hate their kids and that’s my story

I want tell moms and dads too who are in this to stop because it will affects them at the end.

They are your children and will definitely offend you but when they go to the extreme find out why rather than hating them.
Thanks

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Written by Abena Magis

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