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My Daughter is Not Her Friend

AUNTIE ABENA,

Thank you for giving us this platform to share our innermost turmoil. It’s about my daughter, Naa, and my wife.

THE MAIN STORY

When my wife and I started dating I told her to be careful how she treated Naa. If she can’t be her friend, she shouldn’t become her enemy either. Naa fully came into my life when she was 10 years old. The mother left me when she was pregnant with her because we were cohabiting at that time and I wasn’t ready to marry her. Therefore, her family influenced her to leave me. Even though I was paying for her uni fees. I also invested in a shop for her to sell provisions in as a side business.

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After she gave birth to my daughter, I was told to pay a fine for getting her pregnant without marrying her. I felt that was unfair because I took care of my responsibilities even after she left me. I was still paying her school fees except for the shop I closed down. This delayed the naming for 3 months until she told her family to allow me name the child. I named my baby girl finally when she was 4 months old. I was hoping we could settle this amicably and get married but she was then with another man so I had to forget her.

She completely changed and was chasing different men, both married and single, and introduced my daughter to such a life. When she celebrated her 10th birthday, I finally convinced the mother to allow her come and live with me. By then Naa knew everything about sex and you could see she wasn’t a virgin which was heartbreaking. I will buy simple clothes for her and try to change her for a while. Then the mother will come visit, bring her short and tight things and this girl will change overnight. I had no other option than to stop my ex from coming to visit.

I told my wife everything when we were dating and she assured me she’ll help me change Naa to become a good girl. We got married and I can’t say my daughter is bad but she’s not good either because the wife I thought will help me with her isn’t making any efforts. She refused to do anything in the house and would make my 13 year old to sweep, clean, mop and cook. This made her very tired and when she’s done will go out of the house to be talking to men and boys. My wife won’t know this because she’ll be asleep by the time Naa goes out.

I complained about this over and over and all what she said was “I can’t change your daughter because she doesn’t want to change.” I told her we can change a 13 year old’s perception about life through the examples we set for her. Her mother didn’t teach her anything better in life doesn’t mean you should come and make things worse. I was then forced to get a maid to ease her chores but my wife got very close with this house maid and gossiped about my daughter with her.

My daughter started feeling lonely in her own father’s house. With the work I do she only sees me early in the morning and in the evening after 9. I realized she started waking up very early days to greet me. I made sure to chat with her, prepare breakfast for her before I go but when I leave what happens in the house is out of my control

An incident happened recently which is why I’m writing to you.

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RECENT EVENT

I had to travel for 2 days. It was impromptu so had to send mobile money but my wife’s PIN is blocked so sent it to Naa to cash out and give to her. When my wife sent her to cash out the money, Naa delayed because she met some boy and was out for more than 5 hours and refused to pick her calls. She didn’t call to tell me this. When finally Naa came home with the money, she lashed my girl so badly that her back and thighs became sore then she used aboniki to smear on the sores.

I was in Banda Ahenkro when someone called me to come and save my daughter. Abena the speed I used to drive back home only God knows why I didn’t get an accident. I came back to see my daughter in pain. I didn’t even know what I was doing but I lashed my wife and forced her to apologize to Naa before I could stop.

Afterwards I took the girl to the hospital and now she’s ok and the wounds are healing. The issue is my wife’s family came here complaining that I beat her knowing she’s pregnant. I know that was bad because she’s 3 months pregnant. They also said my daughter is a bad girl and sometimes talking to her isn’t enough. They tried to justify the lashing by saying that how she behaved, any parent would have beaten her so I had no right to beat my wife for punishing her.

Abena I tried to tolerate all what they said but my wife is basing on that for a divorce and insisting her family returns my drinks. She left that day with her parents and I can say there is peace in the house but I miss her. Also, it seems Naa was praying she leaves so I’m confused on whether what she did was deliberate. I want my wife back because I really do love her and don’t want another baby mama. I also don’t want a situation where Naa will drive away any woman I might marry in future if this divorce happens.

I need responses and advice to know the best way out of this since I don’t want to lose my daughter and my wife. How do I solve this please? Will be reading comments

Written by Abena Magis

Comments

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  1. First of all this issue is no joke. I think you should apologize to your wife and talk to her how you would want your child to be handled or treated so that she feels loved and would want to change for the better. Now for you daughter, she’s growing and needs to know what is wrong and what is right so she would need a lot of talking to, that aside let her know that for some things when she does them she’s supposed to be punished and for that matter she will be punished. So if they both can give you the I word that they will live together as mother and child and tolerate each other then you can bring them back together to live as such. If not then she, your daughter should be relocated to maybe your parents’ house, that is if they’re still alive and you know can handle her. if not maybe you should let her stay with one of your sisters who is married or even if she’s not but can handle her in a way that she would grow up to be a better person but first I think you should talk to whoever she would relocate with so that they know the kind of person they will be dealing with and know how best they can go about it. Now as you do all these and suggest you keep her in your prayers as well. And any kind of company that you think is making things worse, do something about it because bad company corrupts good manners

    • It’s obvious your wife doesn’t like your daughter and they can never stay together..let her go and stay with someone who wont maltreat her and strict as well to take care of her and let the person know the kind of person she is and how you want her to be raised …take her out on dates every weekend to advice her , watch movies with moral lessons and also to build that father daughter bond..Also give her a phone but with parental control settings …send her articles and items that would help reform her and change her perspective..And always keep her in your prayers

  2. How can you beat your pregnant wife?
    I think the did has already been done so find some elders and apologize to her until she forgive you. Even if she doesn’t accept you back her forgiveness is very important. Pray for your child because such children can be a problem to you and everyone around you if care is not taken.

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