DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Hello Auntie Abena,
I really hope you keep me anonymous. Never mind the email address, I’m female.
Now to my issue (I’ll try to make it as clear as I can):
I realized I liked this friend of mine in 2019. Let us call him Kweku. I still like him even now (2021)…I may even be in love with him, who knows. How much I want him even scares me so much, it hurts. We’re very good friends and he’s the best friend I have. I can literally tell him anything, I mean anything.
We vibe really well. From interactions, I can tell he likes me too and he’s expressed the likelihood of wanting us to be more than friends one day. He knows I like him because I have expressed it many times.
Now, there is this guy who proposed to me years back (somewhere in 2017). Let us call him Kwesi. I could tell he really liked me, but I didn’t accept his proposal because at the time, I was seeing someone. He’s back now saying he still wants me and has never stopped. He’s grounded, he is his own man and knows what he wants. He seems really serious about me.
Now, here is my problem… I feel like Kweku simply fancies the idea that I like him so much. One moment he wants me, the next he doesn’t. Another time, he doesn’t know what he wants. No consistency whatsoever. Part of that, I think, is that he isn’t employed at the moment. But, he has made plans and working on things of his own.
As for other issues, I have no idea of them. Maybe he isn’t so sure of what/who he wants yet because he isn’t his own man yet. He’s hard working and I really admire him for that. I would wait for Kweku if he asks me to, no matter how long. Hmm… The kind of love I have for him is like none other I have experienced. I don’t even know how else to say it. It really scares me.
I want to wait for Kweku to man up and say something, just anything to signal directly that he wants me and knows he wants me. I want to wait regardless, but what if I wake up one day to find out he’s dating someone else or worse, getting married, or even marries without my knowledge. I don’t mind us being friends. He’s my go-to person since I can talk to him about anything. That I love him, doesn’t mean we should be together… right?
Just yesterday, I agreed to date Kwesi (maybe not the best of decisions) just to see how things go, and I am willing to put in the work to make it work. Sometimes, just sometimes, love comes softly, and I see myself loving him if I put in the work. When I agreed to date him yesterday, boom, he shot straight to intimacy: kissing, touching and groping. I wasn’t expecting it, but I didn’t hate it, surprising.
I was more surprised by my response. It was really intense. I’d like for us to take it easy for now, and I most definitely do not want to have sex with him. He may not be as handsome as Kweku (maybe to me… lol) but I don’t care about physical appearance. He’s a good man who appears to genuinely love me and I wouldn’t want to throw that away just because I have feelings for someone who doesn’t know what/who he wants. We vibe well and seem to move on from issues quickly.
We communicate well (not as well as I do with Kweku) and I’d like to believe I know him well enough. I don’t think he’s hiding parts of himself from me. He’s a very busy person and looks like the only way to know him would be to date him. (I may be wrong).
I am turning 22 soon and Kwesi turns 26 this year. He’s always talking about how he wants to settle down and start a family early in life with me… Hmm. I fear I may not be ready. What if I have not come to love him by then. What do I do?
Should I tell Kwesi that there is someone I like and may possibly love…? I know he might say it doesn’t matter because, if I remember correctly, that was what he said when he proposed to me and I told him I was seeing someone… Maybe he’s a different person now. What do you think may be his possible reactions?
Should I break things off with Kwesi immediately until I finally get over Kweku and I’m ready to get back into the dating market?
Please share your thoughts with me, Auntie Abena. Share with mano fans so they share their thoughts too. I’m open to all critics. I have sleepless nights over this issue.
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