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My Ex Left and Tried to Come Back

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My boyfriend married someone else, someone who became a friend. At age 18 after SHS, he was the first guy I said yes to. It was after a whole year of so much persuasion and reassurance but he dumped me after 3 months of lying and pretending to love me. He made a mockery of me and all the horrible things you can imagine.

This was a man I finally convinced myself that I could trust because he had developed some kinda mother and son closeness with my mum which was how he was able to get to me because I am the withdrawn decent indoor type. It was hard for the other guys around to approach me and I was very careful about men because I didn’t want to make that mistake of opening up to someone who would use and dump me especially at that age.

I come from a polygamous home with so much hatred from my stepmother who did everything to prove my worthlessness to my father, to get him to neglect me so I was very careful about myself and every step I took. So I found out that this ex of mine was already dating someone and of course, such guys do all their best possible so you don’t find out.

You wouldn’t believe it that this lady of his became my friend because she and I had a mutual friend. From the first day I met her at our mutual friend’s workplace, she liked me and that’s how I met her but at that time I didn’t know she was the one. She would mention his name and dtop other clues in conversations that pointed at him but everything was confirmed when I posted him (that time it was my dp on WhatsApp I used him for) and another friend of mine saw it and told me she knew his girl.

From the things she said it sounded like my friend herself had had something to do with the same guy that didn’t end on a good note but she went around the story perhaps to cover up that that part. She mentioned his girlfriend’s name and described her and it was this same lady. I went through her pictures on Facebook and there were pics of them out eating together and all and then finally I saw them together.

LIVING LEGEND said “hello” to me and his lady my friend, said hello too. Only God knows how I felt that day. Even then he still denied it and said he didn’t know what I was talking about. Before that happened I was still around waiting to hear from him that it’s not true. At that time he would text or call whenever he pleased and talk and act normal like nothing wad going on. It was difficult to accept that I had been played and used when I knew within myself that I didn’t deserve that.

This is a man who laughs with my mother, comes to my house at will anytime he wants. When I saw them together I knew it is what it is and I just had to carry my cross. We had sex just a few days before I finally saw them together, he coaxed me to come over and we had sex. Though my friendship with his now wife wasn’t and still isn’t the very close type of friendship or the everyday friend you see and talk to but we are still good friends.

She didn’t invite me and our mutual friend to their wedding which happened few weeks after I found out. Our mutual friend was mad she wasn’t invited but I feigned my anger because I couldn’t have gone even if she’d asked me to. My friend still doesn’t know what her husband did to me or what ensued between us so we are still friends.

I can’t describe the pain I felt, for about two years I wasn’t myself. I am still insecure and I feel I can’t trust anybody no matter how genuine you appear to be. It still feels like just yesterday but I am glad such an insensitive man with no conscience at all left. He didn’t explain anything or even say sorry. You won’t believe me but he sees me and says hello and laughs like he’s seen a good old friend and even tells me “my wife sent her regards.”

Till now I haven’t got an apology or any explanation. And every anniversary his wife posts on Facebook or makes an update on WhatsApp status raining praises and love on him. She doesn’t know that about a year ago, he tried to come back into my life. He would come to my workplace and all but I told him to his face that may God have mercy on him and forgive him for entertaining the idea that i would come running to him after everything and for the fact that his wife is my friend NEVER AGAIN and he disappeared!

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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