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My Fiance’s Mom Disgusts Me

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Please I read a post you shared yesterday. I think it’s from Nigeria about the man who slapped the wife because she didn’t allow his mother into the parlor. I’m worried because I’m having a problem with my fiance’s mom. Sorry to say this but she disgusts me.

My fiance and I will be marrying soon. We’re pooling resources to build a 3 bedroom house and we’re almost at window level now. His parents are living with him in his rented apartment (long story) which will be due for renewal in February. So he can’t renew for them and rent another one for us to move in whiles building.

I get that. I’ve never stayed overnight in his apartment before. Though his parents won’t mind, mine too won’t but I respect his parents and don’t want them to think because they’re living with him, I’m taking advantage. If it was their house, I doubt they’ll allow me to sleep over.

They’re such nice people but I’ve a problem and I don’t know how to explain. My fiance thinks I’m being petty. I’m even crying talking about this.

Auntie Abena, my mother in-law to be lacks hmm, forgive me. She spits everywhere. I don’t know if it’s chronic but she snorts phlegms every 5 minutes. She spits in the kitchen sink everytime she comes to the kitchen. When we’re in the hall, if she was spitting into tissues I won’t mind, but she has this plain jar she spits into.

My fiance is used to seeing this. I used to joke that when I get pregnant and start spitting into jars, I know he won’t mind. We all laughed but I’m uncomfortable watching his mother doing it all the time. The father doesn’t care since she’s been doing that for a long time. The sound alone disgusts me.

When I’m washing outside and she comes, she’ll spit and cover it with sand many times. What I hate is when she uses her chalewote to try to make it fade but it ends up being smeared on the ground. She’ll do this continuously till she gets up and goes.

Now, I’ve stopped washing there and rather do it at home but what happens after marriage? I want to buy a washing machine but how can that be a priority when that money can pay for 2 loads of sand?

I’ve tried to share my concerns with my fiance. Maybe he understands me but he keeps telling me to get used to it. I know it doesn’t mean he’s not being considerate but to him, there’s nothing we can do so I just have to deal with it.

Abena, I can’t watch TV with them will all that snorting and spitting. I can’t eat around her with all that happening all the time. Maybe I should insist we postpone the wedding till after we finish building. But auntie Abena we’re going to court like you advised and have the Blessing of marriage done. No money will be spent on reception. Our honeymoon will be later next year so what excuse can I give to postpone the marriage?

I’m just worried about staying with her. They moved in last year and if I’m not used to this by now, when? If she’s bathing my baby, will she be spitting all the time? Lord help me.

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Written by Abena Magis

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