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My Fiance’s Mother Told Him Not to Tell Me He’s Gay

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Greetings to you and everyone on this platform from Ghana and beyond. I’ve been a silent fan for months but want to send this to hear the thoughts of my fellow fans.

I’ve known Melvin (name changed) for 9 years. We became friends briefly before Green Card helped me relocate with my family. We reconnected online and he used to wish me “happy birthday” or “Happy New Year” until late 2017 he sent a message that he wants us to be friends. I thought we were already friends but he wanted more which was impossible because he knew I was in a relationship at that time.

Fast forward to August 2018, my ex and I broke up and Melvin still put in his intentions towards me. I was broken and told him to give me sometime. Exactly one year later, we started dating online. I came to Ghana in November 2018 and left January 2019. We lost touch until late 2019 when we reconnected and he asked if we could get married so that his family could see mine. He said all the right things and did all the right things but I don’t know why I couldn’t feel any deep love.

We planned getting married last year and the whole COVID issues came and he’d wanted me to come down before the lockdown but I didn’t come and then we had the lockdown. He blamed me for not coming. He wanted to still go ahead but I told him to wait till this year. Around October, my cousin called me saying, “sister wo guy no menhu no yie oo” (it’s like I’m not seeing him well). She said she’d been seeing him hanging out with some suspected gays at a popular pub. He used to tell me he hanged out with friends at a pub so me I just forgot the whole thing.

Fast forward to December I came to Ghana and someone we’ve been dating for so long, he didn’t want to touch me. Talking about abstinence. I’m not a virgin so why wait? I did everything and he was soft. I cried after I remembered what my cousin told me. I asked him to tell me the truth but he refused. I told him I won’t judge him but he should tell me the truth. He still refused until 2 days before I was leaving that he came to tell me his mother convinced him to take me serious and get us to get married and that if he travels, he can find a way to break up with me and go and live his life with others like him because it’s a disgrace for her in her church.

They wanted to use me for this! I wanted to confront his mother but my mother told me not to ask her but rather thank God for removing me from such bondage. He used to insist on only the Engagement and that later then we do the court here in the States. Little did I know their plan hmm.

Note before: I’m dating again but it’s a story for another day. Please prompt me after posting.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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