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My Friend Doesn’t Want My Fiance to Marry Me

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My question might seem weird but why do some ladies hate to see their divorced friends marry again? I’ve a screenshot of a chat between my friend and my fiance asking him why he’s marrying me with my 2 kids when there are single ladies without kids.

My husband left me for another woman. I’m the victim of when parents insist their kids marry from their tribe. He married me because his mother told him I’m the right choice and from same tribe. I had always had a crush on him but he started dating me just to please his parents. We got married but he never stopped cheating until he met another lady from another tribe. When I complained that after 2 kids, he was now behaving a stranger, he told me to either accept that he can never love me but stay in the marriage or leave so he can marry the woman of his choice.

I left my 10 years marriage after he got the other lady pregnant and all everybody told me was to pray. I became a single mother, looked down by my family and mates and gossiped about. Maybe if I left the marriage with a car and my own house, they’d have respected me but I was broke with no good job and struggling to feed my kids.

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I got an uncompleted house and was sacked from there after a week but went back to stay. I went house to house washing and cleaning for people. My kids didn’t go to school for a year but I still worked hard to feed us. I got some items from a client, perfumes and shoes as gifts but sold them from house to house and through it met a woman who employed me in her cold store. The pay was small but I got a close school for my kids to attend.

My madam became a friend and like a sister to me. She knew my struggles and always encouraged me. My fiance is one of her clients who was the “hello, I want chicken or fish.” He wasn’t the friendly type but he saw my son one day and started smiling with him. No matter how small or big his change was, this man will tell me to give it to my kids.

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My madam was the one who told me much about him, that the woman he wanted to marry dumped him for another woman. He had his own house but rented it out and moved to stay with his big brother not far from the store. Gradually our friendship grew tight but marriage was never something I was interested in. He mentioned dating but I always pushed him to consider any of his female friends. There was one who really liked him, even brought him provisions on two occasions but he always told me he wasn’t interested. When she refused to take back the provisions, he gave them to me.

My madam realized how close we are and started some attitude. It got very bad that I had to talk to her and ask her why. She only said she was going through some problems. I later realized how much I really loved this guy but didn’t know how to tell him and he was considering one friend of his so I pulled back and was no longer calling him. I realized he’s the reason she wasn’t talking to be because after I started giving him attitude, she started getting closer.

I got home one day to meet him with the kids. He told me he’d broken things off with the new girl because he felt like he was cheating on me. That’s when he finally proposed and I accepted. My friend was ok with our dating. After one year, he refused to renew the rent so that we could move in. His brother loves me and the kids so much. My friend came to help with the cleaning. Little did I know she’d started chatting with him.

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We went to do Knocking a few weeks back and preparing towards our marriage next year. He told me to read some chats and it was from her, asking him why he’s marrying me who has 2 kids instead of a single lady without kids. Then she asked why a guy like him with no kids wants to marry someone who has not one but 2.

I forwarded them to my phone and sent them to her. She read it with no response but sent him a message that I’ve forwarded their chats to her. Then he told her he tells me everything so I’ve read all their chats. She even told him to consider one lady who also owns a store on her lane.

I’m just shocked. Is this how some friends behave? Is it wrong to marry a second time or after divorce, I was supposed to live my life alone? Someone should please explain to me. Thank you. I’m no longer working there.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send to manokekame@gmail.com or send us a message to Hujambo by clicking HERE.

Written by Abena Magis

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  1. Enemy of progress…ma case is similar to yours.it was just by the grace of God that am alive.fear friends ooo…let God and ur kids be ur friends

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