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My Girlfriend Doesn’t Know How to Love Me

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Good day. Trust you doing well? I’m a top fan and God bless you and your fans for the good works. I am really suffering within. I need YOUR help and that of your fans to find a way around this because I don’t know how long I can continue with this. I’m the emotional type so when I’m in a relationship I don’t hold back. I give all the love and attention I can to make you feel comfortable.
I am 34 years of age and in a relationship leading to marriage with a 30 year old woman. We have been together for 3 years and truth be told I really love her. We are both gainfully employed and have started preparations towards marriage. Hopefully, per the layout of our plans, we should settle down by the end of 2021 because we want to prepare adequately for life after marriage.

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This will be quite long so please forgive me for such a long post. I just want to pour my hearts out for you to help me.

Auntie Abena she’s suffering from a SEVERE sense of low self esteem. I have seen my fair share of people suffering from that but this is a whole new level. She just doesn’t see anything good in herself, from her looks to expressing herself etc. Not even a single good thing Auntie Abena. In one of our conversations I pushed her to the wall about her childhood and from what she said her mum made her that day.
Her mum literally drummed into her skull that she’s not worth anything good. She looked down on her throughout her childhood so she accepted it and it has become part of her.  I have tried talking her out of it, read articles to her, got her articles to read to help boost her confidence, taught her how to research on it but she has just made up her mind that this is how she is. She’s not willing to help herself overcome it. She’s the quiet type, faithful and doesn’t have close friends. She is always in doors watching TV though she becomes a bit lively when I’m around her.
There is a thought catalogue that says that if you don’t love and appreciate yourself there’s no way you can give out love and this what I’m going through now. I do my very best to show her love just to prove to her she’s worth it. I’m always complimenting her (not fake but real ones). I shower her with gifts once in a while because I know she loves surprises. I provide money for her upkeep and other things though I know she’s working and earning more than I am. I don’t mind doing all that because I love her.
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The real problem here is that she doesn’t reciprocate the love I show her and it’s starting to affect my feelings. I believe love in any context should be mutual to both partners for the relationship to be strong but in this case I feel like I’m alone in it. It’s like giving all you have and not getting anything in return. She just doesn’t know how to show LOVE but she likes to receive. I’m really determined to help her change but I feel like I’m gradually losing it because all my efforts are not working. Another thing is she doesn’t like to be criticized even when she’s wrong. She will get defensive and say all sort of things to interrupt you. At the end you can’t even conclude or continue what you were saying.
Please I need your help on this one. I just don’t know what to do again. I need to find a way to get her out of this mess her mum created. This will destroy our relationship or marriage if I don’t find a way to get her out of that mindset.
To my dear ladies reading this, please and please again, we the MEN go through a lot daily so please be appreciative and make us feel special in your own small way because we’re also human. We know we have to love our women but please we equally deserve some amount of love in return to keep us going.
Thanks you. I will be reading the comments.

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Written by Abena Magis

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