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My Husband Used My Money to Take Care of Another Man

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I made a promise to myself to never tell anybody this because of the shame of getting married to someone who was gay. Who everybody knew but kept their mouths shush out of fear. He used my money to take care of another man. I think I’d have even understood if it was another woman.

My happy customer became my very good friend. He proposed and we started dating. He introduced me to his family and his best friend. They were like brothers and did everything together. Our wedding was talk of the town and I felt I had been blessed with a good man.

My husband asked for a loan of GHS12,000. He paid and 5 months before he’ll finish paying made me take another loan of GHS20,000 so they deducted the 5 months loan and gave me the balance. He told me that’s not how loans are given and refused to pay. It was his best friend who convinced him to pay. With that, he paid just half.

I observed something. He bought everything for his best friend, from shoes to belt, food, credits, data, shirts even boxers.

“But why isn’t your friend working to buy all these himself?” I asked which never got answered. I asked because it was money my husband either took from me or will tell me to buy x,y,z for his best friend when I go shopping. He’ll promise to pay but never pay.

I say this with a lot of regret auntie Abena because if I knew. If I knew the truth, I Afiba would have never spent my one pesewa on his best friend. I started hearing rumours but it’s not something you can just believe.

Then one day, I came home early from a canceled trip to see my husband, my legally married husband giving another man BJ. In our matrimonial home!

I screamed! “Heyyyyyyyyy. What is this? What is all this? You’re gay? The both of you are gays? And I didn’t know?”

Auntie Abena, even his boyfriend’s rent, he made me take a loan to pay the 2 years for him. His parents and siblings said they suspected he was into that but because he never did it openly didn’t want to believe it.

But they heard the rumours. All of them heard the rumours but watched me walk into a marriage I had no idea was built on shame and disgrace. Friends who once were jealous of my handsome husband now laughed at me. I even felt suicidal because the shame was too much.

Auntie Abena, it’s difficult trying to remember what I went through but I came out of that marriage strong. My family abandoned me as if they don’t know me anywhere. Nobody wanted to accept a gay in the family so if I married one then I should handle my shame alone.

I worked and paid some of the loans. We’ve been divorced for 2 years but the bigger loans were for 5 years so I’m still paying. I’m happy we had no child to remind me of him. To remind me of my shame. To remind me that my fellow human being used me as a cover up. That was all my importance to him. I’ve moved on but I’ll never forget and I’ll never forgive.

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Written by Abena Magis

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