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My Mother is Taking Over My Marriage

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I need an advice to solve my marital issue otherwise I’ll be forced to do the unthinkable. My mother is taking over my marriage and the worse is that everybody is watching her do it

We got married last 2 years and on my wedding day, I knelt before this woman I call my mother, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh, to thank her. When everyone said no to my husband (then my boyfriend) she was the only one who defended my choice. She even told my uncles (my dad is late) that if they don’t agree to the marriage, they should forget they have a sister.

2 months after the marriage, I got a promotion at work so was coming home very late. My mum volunteered to be cooking because she’s always cooking for my brothers and their family. I used to pick the food for home but traffic delayed me. My husband started going for the food. I felt bad and decided to cook in bulk.

“When you return home, just heat it up and eat.” I told my husband. Auntie Abena, the stews and soups were in the fridge for weeks until I threw them away. He told me he likes it fresh. Cook your own food too bueiii (never). So I decided to allow him go for the food.

Auntie Abena, I didn’t know my mother was going to the house to cook for 2 weeks! She’ll come in the afternoon, cook, he’ll wash the bowls and arrange them before I get home. One day, I couldn’t find a storage bowl before he told me mum took it. I was shocked when he told me everything.

I called and thanked her and she said I’m not taking good care of my husband. There are other ladies who want someone as responsible as him. I decided to go for a maid and my own mother came to rain insults on me that I want to invite a potential witch or husband-snatcher into my marital home.

Just food for my husband to eat and noone wanted to help me find a solution? My husband himself said instead of bringing a maid in I should allow my mother to come and cook. It was fine by me but why all the secrecy? And it’s not that I don’t close early o. By 5 we’ve closed but because of the traffic on the way, the earliest I can get home due to the traffic is by 7 or 7:30

Now, my mother has moved into my marital home. She wakes up early to cook for him and serves him in the evening. I started waking up to cook but my husband told me to stop behaving like a rival. I was hurt so I stopped. Hmmmm. I’ll come home early and they’re watching TV and laughing. I’ll talk to both of them and aside Greetings they’ll ignore me.

My husband was never the praying type but by 11pm you’ll see them praying outside till 12:30 after midnight. He drives her to market every Wednesday market day. It’s like I’m the visitor in my own home. I sat hubby down and told him I feel we’re drifting apart and maybe the work isn’t going to favour the family. Thus, I want to quit.

That night, I didn’t find it easy. He called my uncles to tell them I want to quit. A job that is benefitting everyone around me. They insulted me well. My mother came to the bedroom to cry that whichever demon is affecting me should leave. I told them I don’t want my marriage to be affected. My mother told me to stop being childish.

Now auntie Abena, since I work Mondays to Saturdays, they shop together and even do the washing (washing machine). I’ve been waking up early to do it but she’s telling me to leave it to her and my husband is defending her. I complained to him about they becoming too close that I no longer have his friendship. He told me to be happy they’re both getting along.

Every Sunday, they attend church. If I join them, they laugh and ask why I’m going to church (I didn’t use to attend). They visit restuarants and go out like a couple. Are home together in the evenings.

Note this: hubby works with an international organization so his working hours are late night to dawn. He normally doesn’t sleep at night but I have to sleep. I complained to my uncles and they told me to stop being jealous. Auntie Abena why shouldn’t I be when sometimes he goes to her room and they’ll be chatting and laughing?

She’s my mother. Why is she behaving like his girlfriend? Auntie Abena I want to sack her from here but everyone is raising their voices at me. Calling me ungrateful because my husband helped me to become who I am today and my mother is helping me to make my marriage work.

What if they’re already having an affair? How will I know? Do I have to wait till it happens? My mother once told me if she were the one married to my husband, she’d have handled him like an egg. So why not allow me to resign and handle him myself?

Please am I overreacting? I want to sack her this weekend and stop the work. I’ll start a business with my savings. Is it a good idea? We haven’t had sex for almost 3 months because he’ll be praying when I’m ready to sleep and refuses to touch me when he comes to bed. Am I losing my husband to my mum? Please any advice is welcomed. Thank you

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Written by Abena Magis

Comments

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  1. Dear, Almost 3 months and no sex, that alone to me is a smoking GUN. Look for it, I mean get solid evidence.
    Do your best to vary your routine activities, you might get lucky only if it’s happening.

    Please, don’t allow your mom to talk you out of your duties as a wife. If you happen to be available do it, alone or with her.
    Pray at dawn, 4am before preparing for work with him sleeping by you.

    Invite your in-laws to be spending some time with you guys. Especially a sister-in-law. ( Where you have that connection and respect already)

    Don’t quit your job
    Not now

  2. You need to step up my sister.
    If you have any security camera somewhere,fix it and let’s see what happens in your absence. As for I don’t like this arrangement of mother in-law verses son in-law kwraaa.

  3. Request for some days off work and stay home, then ask mum to also go get some rest in her home. Tell her you will let her come over when you resume simple. Act now before its late.

  4. I can’t stay away from my lovely wife for one week and not to talk of 3 months. It will be like 3yrs.My sister, you are not safe at all.

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