DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Good afternoon please and God bless you for what you’re doing for Ghana. Please I’m Naa, this is my second time writing to you but this is personal. I’d like to share my story for advice please. This is quite long. Forgive me.
We’re two girls from one mother and one father. She’s 6 years my senior but because we’re only two became very close. She was my best friend, my second mom everything until she went to school in Kumasi.
I was 18 when she first came to introduce Soja to us. I was then in form 1. Because of the job she was doing, she didn’t have time so she made me move in with her. Soja used to come there and took me as his small sister. Anytime he was coming, he’ll bring something for me.
This created some friction with my sister. Anytime he brought me something, she will take it from me even though he always brought her more things. I begged him to stop. Her attitude towards me changed so though I was then in form 2, second term, when I went home to visit our parents I never went back to her place. I went back to my former school and continued.
After SHS, my results weren’t that good so I decided to learn a trade. Soja got to know and helped me with capital to set it up. My sister didn’t like it but to me he was a big brother, someone who had really put it in his heart to help our family. Auntie Abena, this man was sending money to my parents every month. At most by 2 months then he’s sent them something for their upkeep but sister didn’t like that he was helping me.
Then, Soja came with his uncle to do their Knocking. After everything he told my parents that he had a problem. He’d told my sister he wanted a simple marriage ceremony, then they’ll go to court to sign but she said no. My parents said they’ll talk to her and the man left.
When my sister was asked why she wanted that expensive wedding, she said the man is rich but is being stingy. Also it’s guys who have a wife or are cheating that go for secret marriages. So if he’s not cheating then they should do it for people to hear and know.
I became very busy because I was getting orders from some companies (I’m a caterer) so I wasn’t following the issue. After some time, my mum came to wake me up. It was around 2 am that morning and she said, dad wanted to talk to me.
It was strange to me. I went to their room and dad told me there was an issue they wanted to discuss with me. He said my big sister had refused to marry the soldier because he refused to organize the expensive wedding. She said she can’t trust him.
He then told them that he’s not growing younger. He and my sister had been together for 5 years and he didn’t know when he’d meet someone, study her to know her more and marry so if our family doesn’t mind, can he marry me? Hmmm
I asked them what they said and they said, though it’s against tradition, tradition can’t restrict you because some tribes agree for a man to marry 2 sisters. If I agree to it, they can’t tell him no. If I refuse it too, they also can’t force me.
Then I wasn’t in a relationship. My first boyfriend and I broke up because he said I wasn’t having time for him. (After all the money I spent on him). So I was single but I’d always seen this Soja as a big brother. But I owed him so much after 2 days I agreed.
Soja had then travelled so he told his family to come and do the Knocking. My big sister called me and asked if it’s true because our mum told her that since she’s refusing to marry him, he’s chosen me. She told me to grow up because if she couldn’t handle him then me being a small girl I can’t.
Auntie Abena, 6 months later when we were getting married, he gave me the keys to a brand new 3 bedroom house and a Toyota RAV4. He said it’s been his dream to present a house and a car to his wife after wedding her so that even if he dies without leaving a will, none of his family members can disturb her about any property. My father in law has a filling station so I don’t pay for fuel too.
Auntie Abena my sister has hated me since then. She refused to attend our Blessing and even the our Naming of our twins. She’s now going around telling everyone that I snatched her husband from her. She says she was angry with him but our parents went behind her back to marry me to him. A whole lot.
Now, our family head wants to sanction my parents for allowing a man to sleep with 2 blood sisters because it’s a taboo. Auntie Abena, is this fair? My parents told my sister to stop doing all these because even if this leads to a divorce between us, my husband doesn’t want her again. I’m just tired of all these. How do I keep my marriage or should we divorce? I’ve grown to love him as much as he loves me
NB: he never made me think he’s interested in me for all those years. He told me that he always admired me like a sister but after what my sister did, thought maybe I was his destiny wife.