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My Sister and My Husband’s Female Friend

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DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Thank you for the great work you are doing. Please I want you and the members of this platform to help me solve this problem with advice. This is about my sister becoming friends with my husband’s friend. I want you to let me know if what I did was right or wrong.

I have this long distance family sister who used to visit me and sometimes spend the weekend or a week with my family. She lost her parents in her teens and so I see her as my daughter and wish good for her. She sometimes joins my workers to work and is paid accordingly. She most of the time leaves and hardly visits. I do not have any problem with that because she is not under my care. She takes care of herself and so once a while I call her just to check up on her.

My husband is the calm, quiet and seriously disciplined type of man, very Godly and will hardly pay attention to any of my siblings in a different way. He can talk nicely and chat but, can also be quiet if no one ask him questions. He hardly opens up to people especially ladies unless you are an old friend. He must build a rapport with you before you can become his friend.

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I noticed just recently how my husband was regularly chatting with this my sister on whatsapp. She doesn’t chat with me or let’s we don’t really chat. Yet, she was chatting freely with him.

What surprised me about their chat is that the tone sound flirty. They use words like “I miss you” every time they chat. “When would you come and visit me?” “I miss you and am serious.” “What food do you want me to get for you?” “I would add champagne.” They even respond with “my only darling.”

Secondly, I noticed she had become close friends with a lady who is more like an enemy to me. All of a sudden she’s become friends with her and recently she praised this my enemy her status.

Now that lady happened to be a very close friend of my husband before he and I met. I was willing to also become her friend but she never liked me. I actually tried so many times to be nice to her but she wasn’t nice towards me. I gave up trying and decided to forget her and focus. So seeing my sister with her, without her telling me about it got me suspicious and confused.

All these things happening behind me have really hurt me. I didn’t expect my husband to go that far by befriending my sister like that. I also don’t know why she couldn’t tell me about going to do stuff with that lady. Maybe, she was there to learn a trade. It’s something I had decided to go learn with her at another place.

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I spoke to my husband about it and made it clear to him about how hurt and disappointed I was. He apologized and said he was just joking in the chats with her. I forgave him.

To avoid creating unnecessary tension between my sister and I, I didn’t want to rush and ask questions that could destroy our relationship. I prayed about how to handle it. At first I didn’t want to confront her but I was really hurt. It really haunted me so I decided to speak to her about it to free my mind.

A couple of weeks ago she came by and I asked her how she got in touch with my husband’s friend. She said she went there all by herself and didn’t know my husband knew her. She also felt bad and sorry and cried asking why I would think she was flirting with my husband. And that she couldn’t do that.

I explained to her that I know she couldn’t do that but I couldn’t trust my husband because he is man. Also expected her to help my marriage as someone I regard as a daughter. I was expecting her to ignore him and even tell me. But she still would not understand me. I feel really bad for her now. I feel it was my husbands fault and that Í shouldn’t have asked her.

She’s now refusing to pick my calls or answer my messages. I feel really bad about thisand want to know what you think about this.

But please tell me if I did the right thing or I should call and apologize to her? I miss her and I feel bad. Thanks you.

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Written by Abena Magis

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