DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
This has been a very difficult time for my family but very difficult for me especially. I have a 23 year old son who has never seen eye to eye with me on anything. Raising him has been very difficult as he’s been moody from when he was very young, insulting and disrespectful that even his younger siblings have picked from him. My husband and I have provided everything for this boy but our best has never been enough.
He came home recently and I was in the hall watching TV. Our eyes met but he pretended as if he didn’t see me and was walking out of the room when I called him back. I asked him why he’s been so disrespectful towards me and the entire family and this led to a fight between us.
He told me that he’s like that because since childhood I’ve made it clear that I don’t love him and don’t care about him. I was hurt because in spite of everything, I love him with all my heart. He told me it’s a lie because when he was 5 years, he called me but I didn’t come for him and allowed dad to do what he shouldn’t have done. This shook me a bit. I asked him and what he told me made me almost faint.
I don’t remember much of what happened but I remember my husband telling me on that day that he wanted to take Jnr out for ice cream. My son was 5 years, a few months to his 6th birthday. I was then cooking in the kitchen and heard the front door opening and closing.
Some minutes later, I heard Jnr shout, “Ma.” It was just once and I thought they’d left but this sound was from inside the house. I listened again but didn’t hear anything again. That’s all I remember.
According to Jnr, his dad did open and close the door but they didn’t go out. He told our son he had a surprise for him and took him to the back room we were using as storage but near the bathroom. Then my husband opened his trousers flap and made him do same. Then he held Jnr’s peeper and told our 5 year old son to hold his which was then hard.
That’s when Jnr screamed “Ma,” for me to come and see what was happening. Auntie Abena, I heard it but didn’t go. If I’d left the kitchen, I’m sure I’d have heard my husband raised voice because Jnr says the dad told him not to call me because what they were doing was a secret. He said the dad made him touch his peeper until a whitish thing he later got to know was sperms came out.
Jnr says the father made them do the same thing 7 times between when he was 5 and 13 years old. So since that time, my son put it into his mind that if he needs me I won’t go to help him. He hates me for something I don’t know and says I never asked him why he hated his dad but always shouted at him for being disrespectful. My son needed me but I didn’t listen.
The big problem here is my husband had a massive stroke 5 years ago and is half paralyzed. I’m all he has now. To confront him will mean another heart attack as we try not to excite him. Jnr wants a confrontation in front of his sisters and I’m worried about the repercussions. Not that I don’t believe him and not that I don’t care but in the end what happens to his sisters after they find out their father was an animal? Am I prepared to find out that maybe their father touched them too? What happens when the entire family find out?
Jnr wants to be a musician which I fully support, what will happen when all these come out? I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or should I allow everything to come out and bury my husband if he dies? I’m angry and scared at the same time. What is the best thing to do because I don’t know.