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My Surprise Visit

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

How are you? I want to post my story for advice. I paid my guy a surprise visit and surprised myself. My story is quite long.

I’m outside Ghana. In 2017, I met this guy who came to school at where I’m at. I took a liking to him, and he said he was single. About 3 months into our conversations I found out he had a girlfriend in Ghana but we had already started being intimate.

This guy never asked to date me or anything and I was actually okay just being there to support him. I loved him a lot and was okay just being around him.

Fast forward, I got pregnant ending of 2019. When I found out, I kept my distance from him. He started getting close to me and in early 2020 I told him I was pregnant. But, I assured him I don’t want him to force and be in the child’s life. He broke up with his girlfriend because they had already been having issues for years. That he never loved her

He came crying to me that he wanted another chance to be in my life and he will be good. Auntie Abena I loved him so I accepted him. 2 months later I had a miscarriage. It was around the early COVID time so we stayed together for 6 months. I moved to another state to further my education. This guy never for once asked me to be his girlfriend even though he was single. I was okay since I loved him.

A month after I left he came to visit me and I saw on his phone he was texting another girl. From the text it looked like they had something going on but he denied it so much. He made it look like I was making things up. We solved that one and he left.

I decided to pay him a surprise visit last weekend. He was not home when I got there. It was his roommate who let me in. I went to go shower and wait for him. Then I saw used condoms in the bathroom, and girl’s hair all over the sheets. My heart just broke. I just couldn’t think.

He begged me but I just couldn’t process the pain so I slept in a hotel and left the next day. He came over the next day, cried, pleaded on his knees that he now realizes how much he loves me and he is very sorry. That this did not have to happen for him to know he loves me.

Auntie Abena I am broken but I love him so much. My problem is I’m scared to accept him and he will still not progress our relationship. I’m also scared and really paranoid that he will do it again. My mind is all over the place. Please advice me. Please let me know when you post it. Thanks.

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Written by Abena Magis

2 Comments

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  1. ” I am broken, but I love him too much “. There more love you are giving, the more you get broken, which should not be the case.

    You needed his ‘word’ a sign of commitment to the relationship and it didn’t come before and after you lost the pregnancy.

    You were okay, just being there to support him!,
    You were okay, just being around him!

    Tell him what you need, what you want. Give him some space as he comes for you as a man would.
    Begin to psych yasef. It may not end well.
    Or leave if you can.

  2. Madam just leave he is a cheat and will always be…you have seen all the red flags but you still want to make progress…if he really loved you ..he would have been serious after the break up with the Ghanaian girl..wise up young lady and move away ..you will find someone who will reciprocate the love you give …don’t fall for his whims

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