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My Teenaged Step-Daughter Hates Me

 DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Please keep me anonymous.  I just read a story on the page about the man who beat his pregnant wife because she tried correcting her step-daughter. I cried whiles reading it because I am in the exact situation.

My husband’s daughter is 16. We got married just March this year. The daughter was with his mum and he decided to bring her to stay with us after we got married. I had no problem whatsoever with that because I am naturally a very kindhearted person, and I knew I’d love having the girl around.
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Could you believe that she’s 16 years but this girl cannot do anything in the house? Absolutely nothing. Initially, I decided never to bother her with my chores because I knew I came into the marriage alone. Then one day, my husband woke me up at dawn to talk about how worried he was about the girl’s poor upbringing. Therefore, he pleaded with me to take her as my own daughter and teach her everything I’d have taught her if she were my biological daughter. I agreed.

Abena, my step-daughter would sit in the hall and watch TV from morning till evening. She would ignore me whiles I went about cleaning the house, cooking and doing everything but immediately she heard my husband’s car approaching, she’d run and come and stand by me as if we were doing the chores together. I never bothered about this behavior of hers and never said anything to her.

When I am cooking and call her, she will just arrange her legs on the sofa and watch the TV without minding me. My husband would occasionally come to meet her there whiles I’m cooking or doing something and would abusing me. He’d say things like “because she is not your biological daughter, you’ve left her to go waste” bla bla bla. It got to a time this man would always argue with me almost every day because of this girl.

Abena there were several times I sent this girl but she told me upfront that she wouldn’t go. If she’s giving something to me, it will be with her left hand. You’ll be talking to this girl and she will either puff or walk out on you. Anytime I complained to my husband, instead of listening to me, he’d say I don’t like his daughter.

Abena my marriage was just a few months old but already felt like hell because of my step-daughter. Somewhere around July, I was talking to her and in front of our neighbors, the way she shouted at me erh. Abena, hmm I couldn’t hold it and hit her. Abena this girl packed her things and went to her mother’s place.

Her mother then had the guts to come to my house and insult me ankasa. I am the very quiet type so I didn’t say anything to her. I decided to tell my husband what happened when he came back in the evening, only for this man to tell me I was telling lies against his ex-wife and daughter. That I hated his daughter and wanted me to know that when it comes to choosing between me and his daughter, he’d always choose her. He said all those things whiles the girl was right there listening to him.

He then went inside the house, packed my bags, threw them out and asked me to go back to my father’s house. That if I can’t give his daughter peace, I should go. Abena all along I was pregnant oo. He was aware of the pregnancy but here he was, throwing me out into the middle of the night. All because of his daughter. Abena I cried. That day I had to sleep on the veranda with nothing to cover myself till morning.

Early dawn, he woke up and left home. Whiles leaving he warned me he didn’t want to come back and meet me in the house. He went and told my MIL what happened. She came to the house to see me and cried when she saw me. She told me she knew this was going to happen because she warned my husband not to bring her home when he suggested the girl come stay with us after the wedding. She knew my step-daughter was someone I couldn’t handle. She already knew her granddaughter’s character, my husband also knew it so she was surprised he was acting that way.

Abena, it’s been almost 4 months  now, and I am still here in the house because my MIL threatened him that should he throw me out of the house, he should forget that he has a mother. For almost 4 months now, he has never slept in our bedroom. He sleeps in the hall. He never talks to me unless to criticize or abuse me. I don’t have a home again Abena. I can’t even sit in the hall to watch a movie during my free time. My step-daughter always has the remote and who am I to ask her for it?
Abena, I can’t describe what I’m going through now. My husband doesn’t eat my food not to talk of touching me.  I have become a shadow of myself now. It is as if I carried the pregnancy from somewhere to this man’s house. Whether I am sick, well, have eaten or not, he doesn’t care. Woe betides me if I try asking him money for ante-natal. All because of his daughter. This was a once loving and kind man. Hmmmm.

Right now, I am just praying to find a job so that I can leave this house after putting to bed. I am currently unemployed. Our initial plan was for him to set me up after the wedding. He rented the shop from someone and renovated it. All that was left was for him to stock it before I could start managing. Since this issue started he decided to forget about it and has given it out for rent. I am stuck in this house with my pathetic self under the command my step-daughter and her father. It’s not like I’m not educated too oo. I’m a graduate but what can I do now? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you

Written by Abena Magis

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