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My Wife is Too Picky

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Kindly post this for me. I’m sorry I had to use a temporary account to send this. Please notify me when posted. I need your followers’ mature advice, as well as yours. Please note, this story is long. Pardon me and please read to the end. I’ve read a lotta stories here and I’ve contributed in a lot as well. I didn’t even know I was also gonna share mine here someday but here I am.

I met my wife through my aunt in January 10, 2020 in my village in Imo state, after searching for a wife for about 7 years without success. So my aunt got her for me (I’m an orphan, an only child as well). The thing is, I used to work in a club. I usually slept throughout the day and went to work at night so it was difficult meeting or finding a responsible girl for friendship. Loneliness was my best friend and I wasn’t lucky with love.

Sometimes, I’d leave my car at home and use public bus transport just to see if I’d meet someone, as the runz girls I knew in the club in Lekki didn’t want to settle. The one I was serious with, said I didn’t have the kind of money she was looking for so, this girl who later became my wife visited me in February, stayed for 3 weeks and went back to the village. I wanted her to spend more time with me so we study each other but her parents insisted she comes back. We didn’t really know each other.

A month later in March, she told me she was pregnant and started sending pictures of protruding stomach, so I believed her. At that point I was out of work due to covid-19 lockdown which made my club to shut down. I also was owing 3 months rent which I told her about when she came, as well as my dwindling financial status.

I had to auction my car for 500k in June, settled the 6 months rent I owed by then, moved out and got a very cheaper apartment below standard and moved in. I used the remaining money to travel to the village amidst the interstate-covid-19 travel ban to see her family and also do some things on her head because I didn’t want her to deliver in her father’s house to avoid embarrassment and shame to her family. To my surprise, I didn’t see any pregnancy when I met her in the village. And when I asked, she started crying that she had a miscarriage but didn’t want to tell me for fear of losing me. I even had to tell her that I no longer live in that fine house she stayed when she visited, she said that’s not a problem. Anyway, I forgave her and went ahead to collect the list, went with my people the following day and did the things my money could carry and came back to Lagos with her.

Long story short, I suggested taking her to my hospital for evacuation on several occasions but she refused. I talked and talked and then became suspicious. And, when I accused her of lying about the pregnancy, she then admitted that she lied just to make me come marry her. Well, I forgave her again. Fortunately, she took in but unfortunately miscarriage happened, and since then, she’s had 3 miscarriages and I’ve been spending money for treatment after lab test confirmed she had infection. She finished her second treatment/medications three days ago. I finished mine before her.

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Another problem I’m facing now is that she selects food a lot. I’ve complained several times yet no adjustments. She doesn’t eat kpomo or soup cooked/thickened with achi, goat meat, fresh fish, sliced bread, anything onions, semo, sharwama, pizza, hot dog, garri (eba, this one i forced her until she started eating it), and so many other foods. And she’s not remorseful or apologize for this character, she’ll always tell me to endure. Biko, for how long will I endure?I’ve spoken, persuaded, begged even quarelled with her so many times, same with her mum as a result of this issue after I told her mother to advice her daughter to adjust because she’s no longer a child in her father’s house to be selecting or rejecting food but her mum said I should give her daughter whatever she wants so she can be happy because that’s how she trained her.

I’ve begged her several times to at least adjust a little so we can have peace in the house. I can’t even take her out because she’ll be picking out onions from the food inside restaurant. Yes, I know i should have taken note of all these when she first visited in February 2020 and she emptied my fridge which was filled with drinks and all sorts of biscuits and snacks in less than 2 weeks, I guess I was blinded by the thoughts of settling down since age was no longer on my side. Now, look at me with a beautiful village wife who behaves like a billionaire’s daughter. We quarrel every week and I’m tired, there’s no peace in a marriage that’s not up to 1 year.

To cap it all, in the midst of all these, her mother said her daughter is not regarded as a married woman in their village just because I’ve not finished everything on her head. She’s pressuring me to come back and finish the rest of the things on the list and do church wedding. According to her, wedding is a competition in their village.

See eh, I’m trying to be strong but I’m depressed and suicide is beginning to creep in. I get tired after working 10 hours everyday and coming home to meet a woman who takes medications on an empty stomach just because she doesn’t eat the food we have at home. She prefers biscuits and drinks or yam with fried eggs without onions, unfortunately for her, the hospital warned her against sugary foods. I left the fridge empty of this.

If she hadn’t lied about the pregnancy, I wouldn’t have rushed to marry her. We’d have taken time to know ourselves more. Now, I’m in hell fire of a marriage. See where being a good man who doesn’t want to abandon a girl after impregnating her has landed me. I’m thinking of separation, and staying single for the rest of my life whether an only child or not, I need my sanity back.

Has anyone experienced this before or am I overreacting? Is this how marriages are? Can someone please advice me. Thank you.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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