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My Wife, My Headache

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I have been married for 2 years now. My wife and I have always been fighting. The funny thing is, if she does something and it’s wrong, she never accepts it’s wrong. There was a day my aunty was advising her and told her, it is a woman that keeps a home not a man so she should not complain about everything. She told my aunty that, in her house, when her mother talks, her father keeps mute. She is not even aware I heard it so I kept mute aba.

She expects me to handle her like an egg meanwhile she does not treat me as such. She still thinks she is single. When I complain about something she has done wrong she can go 6 months without talking to me. I used to be worried but as at now, I don’t care about it anymore. She used to complain about me not giving her chop money. I agree I was not because I was not making enough then and took a loan as well to rent where we are staying but I still made sure that everything was kept in place in the house, be it food, provisions, utilities etc I take ker of that.

This went on for a while till I settled some of the loans but I still bought food stuff and took care of the house bills and everything and whatever amount of money was left, would still give her something small to cater for herself. She even complained that I didn’t add the charges when I sent her money through momo since she had traveled. I got fed up and resorted back to buying things for the house and told her to tell me whatever she wanted and I will make it available.

We have a beautiful baby girl. I buy everything for the baby as well. There is nothing she says they need that I don’t buy. I am not saying I am always right but I have my faults as well though I am the type who never shows emotions. To the extent that, my father died and I never shed a tear. I am a Northerner and I am brought up to assume responsibility and not show emotion. I know it is my biggest weakness. This makes her feel I don’t care about her. One of these days, she traveled for some months and I had my cousin and his girlfriend over. When my wife came back to wash my dirty clothes she saw a piece of condom wrapper amongst them.

Truth be told, I haven’t cheated on my wife, it was my cousin and his girlfriend who used it. I confronted him and he is even willing to talk to my wife but no she’s not interested because in her mind, I am the one who used it. I have done everything to make sure things are settled but no. I don’t really know what to do now. She has made me feel that I need to just divorce her and be free.

I do everything as a man of the house. She sells cosmetics and works as a nurse but she doesn’t spend a cedi in that house. I do everything but she still does not appreciate what I do. The funny thing is, every small thing, she’ll post on her status. The only day I asked for advice from a friend, she said I am telling her whole issue to the whole world. What happens now is, she now calls someone and tells the person what I have done and not done. Then compare our marriage to others.

I was planning to buy her a small car as a surprise only to hear her say to a friend on phone that, when she makes up her mind nothing it. I have tried all I can just to make her and the baby comfortable but no.

She tells me nothing and when I advice her, it’s like speaking to the wall. As I am writing this, she has not been talking to me since November last year. All because, she talked rudely to me and I asked her to learn how to talk to me. By God’s Grace my work has started paying off and within the last 6 months I have had 2 promotions but I can’t enjoy this with my family as I want to.

These are a few of the issues. She once called to ridicule me for buying meat for the house. I can’t say all here. I am confused and I don’t know what to do. Can you help me with any advice?

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Written by Abena Magis

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