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My Wife’s Past is Haunting Me

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My wife’s past haunts me. We’ve been together for 3 years (dated for 1 year and married for 2). I trusted her with all my heart because not only was she a virgin. But because she’s a book book person, wasn’t exposed to a lot of the things other girls do which makes them take their men for a ride.

Our sex life was good, we’re doing businesses together and very comfortable. I’m an orphan with no siblings but her younger brother has been living with us even before we officially got married. She has a mother she hasn’t seen for some years.

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Last year, we watched a video online and there was a man raping a boy of about 2 years old. Auntie Abena, my wife shook so hard that her eyes became white. I got so scared and rushed her to the hospital because she was then pregnant. She woke up before we got to the hospital and was asking where we are going. I still took her to the hospital where they checked her BP. It was very high which made them detain her overnight to monitor her.

I had to tell the doctor what led to it and I was warned against making her watch such videos. Auntie Abena at the hospital my wife was very lively and chatty, all laughs that I was worried for nothing. Immediately we got home all that changed with mood swings. I’ll ask her and she’ll say “nothing.” She only tried to stop if you reminded her to eat for the baby. This went on till she gave birth to a boy.

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She’d always said she’s having a girl. I never bothered to have her check because boy oh, girl oh, I’m fine with any. Abena my wife rejected this baby to the extent that she won’t touch him right from the hospital to the house. Only if it’s time to breastfeed him but she’ll be crying whiles feeding him. I hated what she was doing and will shout on her to stop. Her auntie who came to live with us for sometime will always calm me down but wasn’t happy herself.

She transferred this to her brother and will cry when she sees him. Abena if you see my brother inlaw and the baby, there’s such love from him to my Junior but my wife will just be crying”no, no”
Nothing else just “no, no.”

I finally took her for counselling last year November and the counselor recommended psychiatric care. I didn’t think my wife was mad so didn’t take her there.

During the lock down this year it was hell. My Junior was learning how to walk but the mother will take him to the hall and lock herself inside the bedroom. I was doing everything for the boy and her brother was doing the washing, cleaning and cooking. My wife will cry from morning till evening. It was hell oh. Serious hell paa in a Ga home. This was like being in prison with hard labour.

Right after the restrictions were lifted I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist and we started. My wife was told to tell me what’s going on.

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Auntie Abena the story is bad. I feel bad sharing it but I need this weight off my shoulder. Her parents divorced when she was 6 and her brother was 3. The man refused to let her mother take them. This man will tell her to bring her brother to his room that she should sing for the boy. Then he’ll rape the boy.

He did this till he died when she was at the age of 9. An auntie came for them but the thing had affected the boy that he became like gyimi gyimi (sorry for using the word but that’s what she used pls) won’t talk, won’t eat, can sit down for hours without moving and won’t do anything until you tell him to.

The auntie was a prayer warrior and took them to church. Slowly the brother came back to his senses but seems to have blocked it out. She’s the only one who remembers and it’s affecting her.

Abena I vomited after she told me that. Her brother loves my son very much but I’m scared he might rape him too even though maybe he still can’t remember. After my wife confessed her past, she’s slowly becoming the woman I fell in love with but, I’m the one who’s currently haunted by her past.

I’ve been pretending that I’m ok, trying to support her with her recovery so I can’t let her brother know how much I hate to see him touch my son. I need answers because I’m thinking of a divorce and taking my son away. But how do I punish my wife for something she was forced to do when she was 6 years old? It’s just haunting me

Written by Abena Magis

Comments

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  1. Hmmmmm it not your wife’s or her brother’s fault this happened. But if you think you are no longer comfortable with her brother staying you then let him go and stay with your wife’s aunty.

  2. Talk to your wife about it better still there should be a third party around anytime her brother is around the child..to be sure nothing is happening

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