DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I’ve been with my woman for three years now. We planned to get married so recently, I went to see my woman’s family (sister, brothers and uncles) to do the Kɔkɔɔkɔ (Knocking or Engagement) in Accra. They accepted the Knocking items and told me I should go, when the dowry list for the traditional marriage is ready they’ll inform me. We then went to our hometown to introduce ourselves to the families at home.
Now here’s where my problem is.
My mother in-law informed me that I shouldn’t go and pay any bride price (for the traditional marriage) to my fiancee’s uncles and children in Accra. She then took me to the family of my father inlaw to-be (my fiancee’s real father is dead) for another Kɔkɔɔkɔ. They also gave me the list of the dowry to be fulfilled.
I was in the process of buying the content in the list when the families in Accra ( uncles, brothers, sisters) called me to stop and come for the list of dowry from them because when the father of my woman died, no one from the father’s family played a parental role.
I don’t know what to do because of this confusion.
This is a great issue for me because when my woman’s elderly sister got married, her father’s family collected everything alright. But when they faced marital issues, no one was able to solve the misunderstanding between them. They’re now gradually getting divorced. I want to avoid all this confusion between the two families.
What can I do?