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She Showed Signs of Being Abusive So I Left Her.

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Great work you’re doing there! I’m adding my voice plus opinion to the growing trend of abusive partners.

I recently dated a girl I suspected to be a potential abuser and decided to move away quietly. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her, but her super enraged reactions to little conversations was a tell-tale sign she is an abusive lady.

It all started lovey-dovey, just like many relationships. But as the days went by, I could feel that the lady has anger issues within my instincts. She likes to tease but won’t accept the little tease back.

What signs did I see, actually?

  1. She resorts to foul language on the slightest provocation. I mean, someone who can insult you and call you names when she calls and you don’t pick up immediately. Other times, you have to come out with a lengthy explanation on why you missed her call. Something I found odd because she calls during my working hours and still expects me to pick up. We were in a distant relationship. I live in Kumasi, and she lives in Koforidua.
  2. She has, on several occasions, slapped men and came back to tell me what she did. I spoke to her about why she can’t keep reacting by hitting people. But guess what? She will always say they push her to the limit, a singular phrase I knew will soon haunt me should I continue in that relationship.

3. She kept pointing to the little things I did every day even when I tried to overlook the minor mistakes in her life. It’s always about me. It became a relationship of “this is what you’ve done again.” That behavior kept drifting me apart because I know the slightest opportunity is for me to recount my ‘sins.’

  1. She is the lovey-Dovey type. She wants to have a flawless relationship where her opinions are superior. We’ve had several discussions and reached an agreement only for her to renege on our plans. I usually get to find out later that she has opted out.

She leads the choir in church, using pleasant words to address strangers but become her boyfriend, and you’d wonder if she is the same person.

She appears as a perfect person before my family, presenting herself as the Gospels’ female disciple, except that wasn’t enough to convince me to go ahead with her swift marriage plans. Within seven months, I have had my share of minor abuses, which will eventually grow into a chimera in marriage.

In brief, abusers mostly appear pleasant to outsiders but hostile to their partners indoors. They tend to show a lot of emotions and commitment to throw wool over their partner’s eyes. They respond aggressively to issues and either use ‘tears’ to deceive or justify their wrongdoings.

These are the signs others will ignore and later say they didn’t know. Aunty Abena, if only people open their eyes, they will always see the signs. For me, I have run for my life.

Want to share your story anonymously?
Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Esther

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