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Should I Get a Child Outside Marriage?

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I need advice to know if it will be good to get a child outside marriage or not.

So it all started in November 2017 when a friend introduced me to his friend (who’s now my husband). We dated and got married a year later in 2018. I must admit I saw so many red flags but decided to give him a chance since 5 years with my ex ended in tears.

There was one time during dating when a strange number sent me a message. He claimed to be a mallam and threatened me to choose the one I was currently with (now my hubby) and leave my ex alone. A whole lot happened which I can’t type all now. I told hubby about it and even told him to stop if he’s the one playing the tricks but he denied it.

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About 2 weeks to our wedding, I paid him a visit. Whiles sweeping outside, I chanced upon an old SIM pack. I became scared when I saw the number was the same as the supposed mallam. When he returned from work, I asked him whether he’s sure he wasn’t the one who chatted me as the mallam. He denied again then I showed him the Sim pack. Now and come see how this guy started pleading with me not to call off the wedding. He said the reason why he did it was because he wasn’t ready to lose me due to how I wasn’t really interested in the wedding preparations.

Before the program, just like every to be couple, we introduced ourselves to each other’s parents. We visited his mum too at the village (his parents are separated) and I made sure I did some shopping for them likewise his Dad place too. So prior to the program, I asked hubby if he had made all the necessary arrangements for his mum to come and he assured me. Hmmm aunty Abena, God knows I wouldn’t have gone ahead with the wedding if I knew this woman’s intention. This woman didn’t attend it o.

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This is a woman I even bought 2 lace for, to wear to the program since she was not doing anything at the village. In fact, I decided not to go visit her again but my mom kept insisting she wanted to go meet her. We set a date aside and we went (hubby,my mom,my aunt and I). On reaching there, this woman didn’t even welcome us o. She was just looking at us like some strangers coming to seek direction. Even chair kraaaa,we had to pick an old bench lying out there to sit on.

To cut it short, this woman said I wasn’t the one his son came to introduce to her. My aunt wanted to probe further if not for the intervention of some elderly woman there. Later hubby apologized that it’s because his mom is suffering from depression. That his dad took them away from her when they were little but the least said about that visit the better because I can’t ever forget.

About 8 months after the wedding and there was no sign of pregnancy, I began to feel worried. We however attributed it to the distance between us since we were working and living in different regions. I proposed we go for a check up to see if all’s well with us. Hmmm

That’s where I got the biggest shock of my life. I can’t remember how I was even able to get home. The results of the test we did showed that hubby has a condition called azospermia (zero sperm count). HUH! We’ve been to 4 different places and it’s the same result. He’s been given medications but still nothing.

I’m confused and have cried saaa. I’m just 28 years old and the first of 5 children. Our Dad died very early so it’s been only our mum always. I confided in a friend who advised me to try getting pregnant elsewhere since I haven’t gotten pregnant before too, but I am scared. What if it backfires? Hubby isn’t considering the herbal way neither adoption too. My whole life is just in shambles. I am a very confused person now.

Hmmm sorry for the long post. I need help on what to do.


Written by Abena Magis

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  1. Hmm..I’m sure he knows of his condition that’s why he threatened you as the Mallam so you never leave him…sister just leave him let your family return his drinks you are too young for this..and with how his mom behaved towards your family and didnt even attend the wedding there is something fishy ..

  2. So sorry to hear this ur predicament. There are series of solutions. Has he tried them or he just refused to try them. Link me up for advice and possible solutions. Thanks

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