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Should I Trust His Word

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

God bless you for the good work you are doing. I want to share my story and hear from your fans whether I’m exaggerating or what. Should I trust my husband’s word or not?

I am a health worker, married to a teacher for close to 3 years now. Some months to our wedding, I knew he was making his own arrangements to get things done. He was aware they had not started paying me though.

About a month to the wedding, I was paid a lump sum based on the number of months I had worked without salary. I gave that money (Ghs4000) to support the program. Even though the money could do something, he still asked me to take a loan and lend it to him because the money he was expecting for the wedding delayed. Because I knew nothing about how to take a loan, I gave him the necessary information needed.

The money, which was Ghs7000, hit my account within a short period. He assured me that immediately he receives the money he was expecting, he will pay me back. He never paid and has refused to tell me anything about it.

About a year into the marriage, we planned to do an online investment. That one too, he made me take another loan for it (he did everything by himself). Two weeks later, he told me he couldn’t access the dashboard so gradually we had to forget about that investment. Meanwhile, I was being deducted close to 500 cedis a month which is going to continue for six good years.

We have one child who is now 2 years old. My husband already had a child before we met. She will be 8 years this year. My sister in-law came to stay with me when I resumed from my maternity leave to help me because of work. My husband stays in another region too because of work.

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I used to do other small businesses aside my job but he made me borrow from my capital till it got finished. Later, I decided to start another business so I asked for money from him. I knew he had money but he gave me 101 reasons why he thinks that business will not work

I didn’t relent and started it with my own 200 cedis. Unfortunately, that one too is finished as I always have to borrow from it because our money is small (max. 400 a month). Luckily for me, I established a good relationship with my supplier so I could get items on credit and pay after selling.

My husband later told me he bought a land and made part payment with the money he had and will be paying the remaining in installment. Because I wanted to help him, any amount he gave me, I will take it like that and not disturb him for money. I make sure I do everything for the family whether he is able to provide or not plus his daughter’s upkeep in school and anything you can think of.

His parents were supposed to make some payment to my mum. They bought a shipping container from her and gave her a time they were going to pay. The time elapsed pass the due date and she didn’t hear from them.

We later realized the money had been given to my husband long ago but he didn’t send it her. When I asked him the first time, he lied. It was later he told me that it was given to him by his parents but he used it to pay for the remaining cost of the land.

I was very disappointed and began doubting him financially. All that while I thought he was paying for the land in installment while I also took care of the house but I was daydreaming. He made me believe a lie. We had to pay that money to my mum since he used it to buy a land for the family.

I requested to see the documents for the land he claimed he has bought and he was like”you women don’t like surprises” and never showed it to me.

Since February this year, I have requested to see the documents but I’m always given an excuse.
In May, he said he’s doing a project for us on the land. Thus, he stopped give me money. I am the one taking care of all the house expenses plus buying most of his clothing. When he comes around I make sure prepare some foods for him to send to his station.

I do almost everything for my sister in-law too (health, pad, hair etc). Should his NHIS card expire and don’t to renew it, it will remain like that forever. He sometimes calls me to send him money which I do or borrows money from me without paying. When I ask, it turns into an argument so I just have to forget about it. Sometimes when I ask him for money his response is not encouraging.

If I need money and ask him, he will say he doesn’t have. But let his mother ask him for money, wherever it is, he will get it for her. There was one time he took money from my business capital for his mother without my knowledge. When I asked him to pay, he promised to pay the following week which he never did. Meanwhile, I had told him two days before that day that my salary was finished and I needed money for our upkeep. He said nothing.

I just arranged with my bank to pay off that loan on my behalf because I realized the interest rate was too high. This was against my husband’s wishes as he told me that it was going to be a long process but i focused and worked on it. They have paid and I have some extra to expand my business with but I’m scared I may lose this money too. I don’t do anything with my own money without telling him.

But auntie Abena, I now feel very used and stupid. Why can’t he show me the documents to the land or even an evidence of the project he is talking about? Could it be he’s lying to me? What kind of surprise is this one? What do I do in this situation I find myself in. Thank you

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Written by Abena Magis

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  1. Hmmm no man who really love you will treat you this way. Because this is wickedness if what you’re saying is true. He didn’t do it well.

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