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The Son of the Man who Rejected Me Wants My Daughter

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I am grieving deep inside me and trying to do the right thing but in so much pain I can’t breathe.

When I was in the university, I had an affair with a guy on campus. Even though I was one level ahead of him, he was older than me and never made me feel bad for being a year ahead of him in school. I thought we were going to get married one day because he was everything I wanted in a man and I really loved everything about him. He ticked all my boxes and was so kind and good to me. He never for once made me doubt him because I was his only female friend on campus and always made me the center of his world. We finished school and this boy started ignoring my calls.

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In those days of Communication Centers (Comm Centers), I’ll have to call the woman operating the center to go and call him to receive the call. The woman will come back and tell me he’s not at home but if any of my friends called him, he will receive it. I made a friend call him and that’s how I got to talk to him. He told me it’s over because he was never really serious about settling down with me. He thought I understood that what we had was just for campus.

I was devastated. I thought I hadn’t heard him right. I went to his town to try and see him but he refused and sent his friend to tell me that if I visited him to change his mind, I should forget it. He’s not a small boy and knows what he wants.

I took myself back home and cried myself to sleep every single night. My big brother had a friend and he was the only one I could talk to. I was crying one day when he came to visit. He kissed me. I can’t say he raped me because I willingly gave in but after that, though he wanted us to be in a relationship, I wasn’t interested. I felt unwanted. I felt like I was cheap because I had broken heart from a guy and had sex with another guy.

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2 months later I realized I was pregnant. It tore the whole family apart because my dad had high ambitions for me. I was depressed. Nothing made sense anymore. The only thing which kept me going was my unborn child. When my family realized that, they supported me and I gave birth to a healthy girl who has been my joy and love.

Now my daughter is 24 years old and has met the love of her life. The guy she’s in love with happens to be the 27 year old son of the man I once loved. The man who lied to me whiles I was in school with him and never told me he was married with 2 kids already.

I didn’t know until he came with his son to perform the Knocking Rites. I was shocked when I saw him. My daughter’s boyfriend had looked a bit familiar but I couldn’t place him until I saw the two of them together. I confronted my ex after the meeting that I cannot allow his son to marry my daughter.

All he told me was “stop behaving like a child. I moved on years ago so move on and allow the kids to marry. Stop being petty.”

Abena, am I being petty not to allow my daughter to marry his son because my son inlaw to be will always be a reminder of what the father did. I know I never got over him because he hurt me without me deserving it. I told my daughter and she told me if leaving the fiance will make me happy, then she’s willing to make the sacrifice but is it fair? How do I overcome this pain? I’m still hurt that my ex isn’t sorry for what he did to me.

 

Written by Abena Magis

Comments

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  1. This world is not fair the least he could do was to be sorry and apologize but some ppl are too cold hearted I feel like crying 😓 this too sad. Is the wish of every mum to see their children marry partners who love ♥️ them but looking at ur circumstances how can u even be happy for ur baby gal.

  2. Forgiveness is conscious decision you take by yourself. If your ex never apologized to you, you can still forgive him and let lying dogs be.
    Don’t ruin the happiness of your daughter if indeed she wants to be with the fiancé. If she sacrifices her happiness for your happiness, don’t forget oneday if she enters another relationship and doesn’t feel the same love or better , she may blame you.

    • It hurts but it won’t be fair to make your daughter give up the love & possible happiness just so you can pay back a man who broke your heart. If her next relationships don’t work out she’ll blame you. You don’t need vengeance.

  3. Naa pls since you told your daughter and she understand the marriage should not go on cos it gone be someway be or let me say abominable kraaa

  4. Thank God your daughter understood you. You’re not being petty, because your mental health matters. The marriage should be cancelled. It’s not fair to you that you should be reminded of your pain each time you see your son-in-law.

  5. This world be some way. I don’t think it’s a good idea for the kids to marry. It’s obvious it won’t end well. All the same sorry for everything.

  6. Forgive him and yourself cos you are trying to hurt your child,if that will make your child happy please dnt be selfish

  7. Ask yourself if you were to be in your daughters position how would have felt. For all you know your daughter happiness is what your are destroying with yours. Yes she may have agreed to sacrifice her love for your happiness but aren’t you causing her pain as well. The pain she won’t share because she wants to make you happier.
    Moms are supposed to sacrifice for their children and not the other way

  8. But if there was no intimate between you and your Ex then I will plead with you to forgive and forget and let the children go on with the marriage. There are people who don’t have apologize or sorry in their dictionary.

  9. A son of such a man is biund to repeat the actions of his father. The man is a big jerk.

    Idk abiut y’all but I side with this woman.

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