“The first words in a first meeting determine the second meeting
The above statement is indeed so true yet something so few men are aware of.
Some guys meet a lady for the first time and seem to forget their ‘senses.’
Well if you’ve made the following mistakes or know someone who might have, why don’t you read and learn. Who knows you could pick up some tips that would be of great help the next time you’re with a girl you just met.
1. Don’t spend the whole time talking about your life
Some guys want to seem important (they’re the very insecure guys too) so they go on and on about things they’ve done (and dream about doing) just to impress their date.
Imagine sitting next to a person who prefers to talk about themselves continuously, all that you have to do is say blah, blah, blah in your head and refuse to listen to whatever the person is saying. It’s boring and doesn’t help the other person to get to know you.
Take the time to get to know her. It is only when she asks you more questions about you, showing interest in knowing more that you can open up but, even with that make sure you turn such questions on her to make her know that you’re very interested in getting to know more about her
2. Don’t touch her in places you shouldn’t
Sammy liked Ajeley the minute he saw her. He liked the way her dress clung to her curves and couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. Whiles driving to a restaurant with her in the passenger seat, he not so deliberately brushed his hand on her thigh when he shifted gears. At the restaurant, he also brushed against her breast when he was reaching out for the menu. She got so angry and told him not to do that again. Even though he apologized, she refused to believe him and after their date, refused to meet him ever again.
Some guys are fond of doing that but fail to realize that it is sexual harassment. A lot of men have been arrested for doing that. Don’t become another court statistic.
Keep your hands to yourself. Simple.
3. Don’t pretend to like what she likes doing
Perhaps you know her through somebody who told you what she loves doing or you could have caught her doing something so want to look good in her eyes by pretending to like it. Don’t.
Let her know that you want to understand more about what she does. Let her explain it to you, if you still don’t like it leave it.
But if you hate it, it is best to just keep quiet and wait till she brings it up before you pass any comment. But as I have stated above never pretend to like what she does if you don’t
4. Don’t drink too much
You might do or say things you shouldn’t. If you’re the one driving, she might get scared about you driving her home
Reduce the amount you’d normally take or don’t drink at all. Use the time to get to know her instead of making her wonder whether you run a brewery underneath your shirt. Some men need Dutchman’s courage so feel the need to tip the bottle small in order to impress her but my brother, don’t. If she’s someone who hates alcohol, you might just tick her off before she even gets to know you.
5. Don’t start using ‘we’ when talking about something in future.
The worst thing you could do is to presume that the two of you would be together in the future. You just met and are getting to know each other. A definite ‘we’ will put undue pressure on her
Ask her what she’d like to do. If she wants to include you in it then fine, you could use words like “you and I could,” but not “we.” When you do this, even if she were unsure about meeting you again, she wouldn’t feel pressured and back out fully.
6. Don’t be rude
The average girl before accepting a guy’s proposal will look at his character especially his weaknesses to decide whether to accept him or not. Being rude is a definite turn off.
If she says or does something that turns you off, patiently keep cool and watch her. After the date, you can decide never to see her again.
However, if you’re rude and later fall for her, how will you explain your behavior to her? And one thing you should know, if she also falls for you, she might never forget her first impressions of you. And I’m a woman so I mean what I say, we women never forget our first impressions of our partners, never!
7. Don’t discuss the weather and your ex in the same breath
Some guys go on and on about their exes under every topic. If you’re talking about food, you’d mention what your ex did that one time you went to a restaurant. If you’re talking about the weather, you’d mention what she did when it rained. If you’re discussing space and astrology, you’d mention what you did when you went star gazing on a field. She is dating you and you alone for the first time. She doesn’t need to know about the one who broke your heart or made you decide not to date again.
Some guys think talking about their exes will let this new lady know how romantic, thoughtful or spontaneous they were with the other woman think of this. You are unnecessarily bringing another women into your lives because that is what it is. It is nice to talk about stuff you did with an ex but don’t let it be a daily occurrence. We always talk about whom we love so there is no way you can convince someone that you aren’t still hung over your ex.
Talk about fun things you like, like hobbies and other activities. Try to find things that you like in common with this new lady. Those that you don’t have in common, can be questioned to know why she likes them so much. When you do that, you’ll find that you can have a stimulating conversation without letting the past cramp her out.
8. Don’t mention your finances too soon
Sosu is a great friend of mine and I remember some time ago when he told me that whenever he goes out for the first time with a lady he likes to tell them about his financial situation. To him that would help him know whether she’s in for him or his money.
I’m going to share what I told him.
This is the first time you’ve met, come on!
Some men want the ladies to know from the get go how much they are worth. This way the girl who stays would surely be the one who truly loves them. Wrong. You can get someone who would have truly loved you but would still want someone who can financially take care of himself and not end up depending on her all the time.
Steer clear of that subject. Rather listen to her when she talks about anything financial. That could help you make an initial impression about her with regards to money.
10. Don’t boast about your accomplishments.
I was 18 when I met David. He’d come to my area with some friends of his and saw me. He called me to chat with him but I snubbed him outright because I wasn’t interested in talking to him. He followed me and asked me why I was being rude and that didn’t I know that he attended St. Augustine’s College? I gave him a hard glare and wished my eyes could have killed him right there and there. What did his school have anything to do with propositioning me? Even decades later, I still steup at the memory
Listen guys, you could be a star or a celebrity in your own home. You could even be a top or underground celebrity but you’re not in her life. Let her learn of your accomplishments herself instead of ramming them down her throat.
If she knows you publicly and wants to talk about your accomplishments, let her but don’t crow about it. Nobody likes someone who keeps on blowing his own horn even when his voice has grown hoarse unless you’re a shallow-minded man who believes that his fame is the only thing people need to know.
But if you want her to know the real you, then make her know you without your “status.”
10. Don’t make yourself out to be a victim of circumstances.
Some men tend to moan and groan about how they are not happy with their job, landlord, school everything including their next door neighbour. Excuse you? What has that got to do with her?
If the conversation veers towards such issues, just brush them off without going into details. Let her tell you hers and learn whether she’s someone who can cope with stress or not. A woman that can’t cope with stress is usually one to balk at being a good shoulder to cry on when you really need one.
11. Don’t talk about any sickness or disability that she might not already know.
She’s not there to be your nurse.
Stay clear of them. It is only when you have a spell or an allergic reaction while with her that you can tell her. But if not, that’s not a topic to discuss on your first meeting.
12. Don’t flirt with anyone else
Some men either forget that they have a beautiful woman seated by them or deliberately ignore this fact and flirt with their waitress. They could also keep on staring at other women. Sorry fellas if you can’t concentrate your attention on the one with you then you shouldn’t be there with them!
Let all your attention be on her. Some women find it so flattering that they’ll be the one to ask for a second or third date just to get to know you better.
13. Don’t answer multiple calls at a time
In Ghana when someone constantly receives calls, we call the person’s phone ‘telecom network’ and laugh it off but it becomes something else when you’re on a date with someone and their phone keeps on ringing. Your conversation therefore gets stilted and is mostly left hanging because of the constant interruption.
If possible, put it off or on silence and after your date call the callers back.
14. Don’t order for her without asking her what she may like.
There are various reasons why guys do this. Perhaps you invited her to a very expensive restaurant and you’re scared she might pick a very expensive meal so you decide to order for her. What you don’t know is that by doing that, she’ll be able to read you and know why you did that.
Also some men wrongly presume that to order for her shows the woman who is in charge. You‘re not married yet are you?
If your finances are in a binder don’t invite her to a very expensive restaurant on your first date. Take her to a simple place where she can enjoy the meal and your company as well.
Also even if you’re a commanding guy, lighten up.
Let your woman make up her mind about things, you wouldn’t have liked her if she weren’t who she is, would you?
15. This leads me to my next point. Don’t invite her to an expensive restaurant.
The lady might end up feeling apprehensive that you might expect something from her in return for the rather expensive date.
Also some girls would expect you to always take them to expensive places and would always recommend such places.
16. Don’t grill her.
Asking her questions about what she does and doesn’t do endlessly is like interrogating her. As no woman likes to feel being put on the spot it’s best to limit your questions as much as you can.
Find out what’s most important about her which could help you in future. An example is what she likes doing in her spare time. That will help you plan for a next outing or something else in future
17. Avoid arguing as much as possible.
Some people might think it will be impossible to argue with someone you’ve just met for the first time but you will be surprised at all the things that happen during first meetings.
Josiah had loved Selma from afar but had never mustered the courage to talk to her. He told his best friend to pretend to arrange a blind date with her which she agreed.
A week later, they met at a restaurant of his choosing and hit it off immediately. Josiah was in ninth heaven. Two hours of scintillating conversation and sumptuous food later, Selma excused herself to visit the ladies. Josiah’s best friend walked in and thinking Selma had stood him up, asked Josiah why he had made him waste his time to arrange this sham blind date there were thousands of ladies eager to meet him. Josiah couldn’t shut him up fast enough and unfortunately Selma overheard them.
She didn’t ask to know what happened and insulted the two men for lying and setting her up. She was even scared that if Josiah had wanted to rape her, his friend would have willingly arranged it. Josiah felt slighted at that and without bothering to ensure she got home safely, left the restaurant.
Well I don’t need to tell you that he’d lost all his chances with her for sure!
Perhaps your date would not occur in the same vein and end like that but if she says or does something you don’t like, respectfully disagree with her. And as much as possible avoid arguing over inconsequential things such as a picture, the weather or anything that has nothing to do with your date.
18. Don’t press her for another date even when she’s unsure
The mistake most guys make when they see the lady unable to make up their minds is to force them to agree to a date. Some will give the lady a time and date and walk away hoping the lady will make it. In this day and age, most ladies will get so angry at such an underhanded tactic that they might choose not to appear at all.
Tell her that you’d love to meet again with her so she should call or tell you when she’s ready to go out with you again. When you do that, she’ll not feel rushed anymore and can finally decide whether to go out with you or not. She could tell you right then or then or need more time. Give her that time to make up her mind. Making her resentful for forcing her to go out with you is a no, no.
19. Don’t rush her into a kiss or hug.
Some men after the date are uncertain how to end it. Because they like the lady so much they might end up doing something that could make them unwilling to meet you again.
Shake her hand but do let her know how much you appreciate the time you spent together. You could ask for a hug but make sure she’s comfortable with it.
If she’s not just, sayyour goodbyes and get out of there. If she hugs you, make sure it’s short and sweet and quickly leave.
In all guys when you meet a lady for the first time and want to get to know her more, remember to be real!