When a guy has purposed in his heart to love you and treat you good, there’s nothing that can stop him. And when a guy has also decided to love you with the sole aim of destroying you, he’s a man on a mission and his focus and target are always before him. That was my first experience with love. I keep asking myself what wrong did I do to deserve that kind of treatment. I want to remain optimistic that my next will be my last and my last won’t break me as my first did.

I met Desmond when I was about completing my National Service. He didn’t appear interested in me and that was okay with me. We were friends who only spoke to each other during lunch break. After lunch break, it was as though we didn’t even know each other. This went on until the woman who brings us food failed to do so one day. We were all disappointed but we needed to find other means of eating.

Those with cars went out, others ordered from different vendors. A few of us decided to scout around for food. Desmond was with us. After walking for a while, I was tired and wanted to return and buy Coke or Fanta. Desmond held my hand and urged me to go with the rest. He walked with me and kept a steady conversation going. Wow, I had no idea he could even be this nice.

When we found one eatery, he bought his food, paid for mine and sat with me to eat. That was how we started. After work, he passed by my desk to say goodnight and asked for my number. I was hesitant to give it to him but I did.  Initially, the calls or messages were just to find out how I was doing. Then it graduated to office talk, then general news then full blown personal conversations.

Everything flowed naturally. Nothing was forced. I found myself looking forward to his kind and sweet messages each day. In the office too, we went from being “casual” friends to real friends. During the end of service program, he asked me out. I didn’t think twice and said yes to him. He was sweet and was there for me throughout my search for a new job. He would send me job offers and ask me to apply.

I visited him one time and since I felt everything was moving on smoothly, I didn’t object when things went far between us. He was that good. Even after we laid in bed panting and laughing, I felt no regrets although he was my first. Some days afterwards, he became more serious than ever, talking about us getting serious and making plans for the future. I was so happy. I had snatched one of the good ones. Then, a year after searching for a job, I found one. We were both happy for my success. The pay was just enough and I was content with how my life was turning out.

From there, our relationship started to die a little. Less love, less attention, fewer calls and more silent treatments. I decided to visit him at work one day. I was caught off guard. There was a woman on his hand, and the staff were congratulating them. Immediately he saw me, there was a quick switch in mood and he was his charming self again.

I spoke to me as though we had nothing going on. He took me outside to talk but I was near tears, asking him why he did what he did. He rather got annoyed, telling me I shouldn’t act like a baby. That we had had a good time and he felt it was time to move on. He walked away from me as I stood there with a shattered world. I have no idea how I walked out of the office premises. As I walked out, I felt I heard laughter and I felt I was being laughed at but I didn’t turn out to see who or why it was so.

Now, I meet guys and all I can remember is how one man pretended and used me then dumped me. They all come looking innocent and promising to treat me better and never break me but I don’t believe them. What shows that they are genuine? What can really reveal their purpose?

Written by Esther

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