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Relationship Red Flags to Look Out For (PART 2)

Part One

Most people before settling down would have gone into an average of three relationships. Since this doesn’t apply to everyone, there will be people who’d date only one or two people and settle down with them. There will be others who’d go over the average of three. The first romantic relationships one enters are mostly filled with naivety and inexperience. Moving ahead, one way to weed out the bad ones are to be guided by your gut instincts and being on the lookout for red flags in the actions, inactions and words of your partner.

Control: During arguments and misunderstandings, does your partner always insist that they are right? Do they try to dictate to you what to do and how to act in every situation? If yes, you probably have a controlling partner on your hands and this won’t end well.

Abuse: Abuse in a relationship starts in a subtle manner. One knock here, a spank there. One raised voice today, sarcasm tomorrow. Watch out for how your partner acts towards you. Violence in words and actions is a no-no. Do not allow anyone to treat you in such a manner. This flag is definitely bleeding red.

Manipulation: Let’s be honest. We all can be manipulating at times. Batting the eyelids to get our partners to buy us that lovely pair of heels or the bone straight hair. Stroking her hair and telling her she looks pretty hot when she pouts and looks annoyed. And there are the masters of the game always being sneaky and using guilt, gas lighting and other dark emotional tactics to get their partners to cave in to their demands.

Passive Aggressiveness: Another member of the manipulation family is passive aggressiveness. This is an unhealthy trait that some people use to signal to their partners that they aren’t happy about something. Others use it to punish a wrong behavior in hopes of correcting that behavior. This is totally unacceptable. If  someone does this to you, it appears as though it’s a game, if after several attempts to get them to change they continue, let them know the way out is the door.

Stingy: This table has a lot of members seated here. There is a fine line between being careful with your money and willing to let it go in exchange of a quality and durable product or service. If your partner complains about even having to spend the least amount on essential products and services such as food, water, clothes or utility bills that is a red flag. If they pay for something or purchase a gift for you and expect a payment back please run. A relationship is a give and take affair and not a financial transaction.

Irresponsible or Unpredictable behavior: To be a suitable partner for marriage, one must display an attitude of responsibility and steady and fit behavior. A partner who is mostly engaged as a babysitter and usually sleeps whilst the baby cries is irresponsible. A partner who acts and thinks like a child has no business in being in a relationship. You must study your partner carefully, if they live as though there is no tomorrow, partying till daybreak and wastes money is a partner you must let go off.

Rushing a new relationship along: A new relationship is one of the sweetest and exciting things to happen to a person. A healthy relationship that is headed for marriage is one that is allowed to grow at its own pace. When a relationship is rushed along, it is mostly headed for danger. Even if your partner seems to be talking and doing things in earnest and wants to move the relationship to the next stage quickly, you need to be vigilant and have a rethink.

Invasion of privacy: We all have secrets and information about ourselves that we come into a relationship with. There are some we need to share with our partners and others that can be left out. When a partner constantly goes through your personal belongings such as your phone, diaries, closet, etc. in an attempt to gain more information about you without your permission. You shouldn’t brush it off.

Communication: it’s understandable if the communication in a relationship isn’t always light and airy. There are times when couples need to go deeper. Couples need to talk about their future goals and plans, their fears and worries and how they want to go about certain situations in their lives. Trying to get your partner to open up and only getting a one way conversation isn’t beneficial. A partner who turns a conversation to taking all about themselves isn’t right. A partner who shies away from deep level conversations with someone they claim they want to be committed or are committed to is not worth it.

The 0-100 squad: Now this group of people are the charmers and interesting ones. You would be having a beautiful date and their charm would be turned into disgust because the waiter spilled the wine on them. You would be having a friendly banter and they’d get so angry you can see the steam rising from the top of their head. If your partner can easily switch moods you don’t need to be told that sooner than later they will go from 0-100 and stay at a 100 for ages.

Disrespect family and friends: To know how your Prince Charming or Princess Fiona will treat you in future just observe how they treat their close family and friends. Are they disrespectful? Are they rude, aggressive, non-caring or babies around them? Well, that is your future playing out before you like a movie.

Possessive obsessive behavior: Sending you a whole bucket of texts to check on you, ask about your where about and profess how they adore you is a red light. Partners who act as though you are their possession and can’t allow you even an inch of breathing space are very toxic and should be shown the red card.

The crazy ex, the evil ex: Watch out for partners with the long list of crazy exes and evils exes. In all their relationships they never did anything wrong. They were always dumped by their crazy girlfriend or their evil boyfriend. Chances are they are still hung up about them or they are lying about what went down. And the possibility of you being a rebound or the next crazy, evil ex is high.

Major insecurity issues, in need of constant reassurance: If a partner shows signs of insecurity every now and then about one thing or the other, that is normal. What is not normal is waking up each day to a new wail. I don’t feel pretty enough. Babe, I think I look too boyish without a beard. I need that new beard growth oil. Honey do I look flat in this dress. What do you think of my abs and biceps and triceps? What this means is that you’ll forever be reassuring them. You’ll not be their significant other, but rather an agony aunt.

Hides you and the relationship: You are their secret that they won’t whisper to even an ant. While it’s understandable to keep things under wraps in the early stages of the relationship, you’ll always be a secret. It’ll be like the saying: “Your eyes will see Canaan but the soles of your feet won’t even touch it. All you’ll be seeing are pictures and stories about their family members and friends. Even to be seen in public with them will be hard for them. Make sure your eyes see Canaan and your feet enter into the Promised Land. When your gut instincts alert you about something. Start looking beyond the surface.

Sometimes your relationship is headed for doom because of your partner’s red flags. Other times too, you are the major red flag. Your actions drive good and steady partners away.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Esther

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