When a guy meets a girl, his sole focus is to be the only one in her life. That is why he would wine and dine her even if it costs him his next month’s rent just to make her to choose him and only him to be with.
It might matter to him that she might have an ex or two in her past but to him the most important thing is that there is no existing ex factor in her life. However, ladies are difficult to read. Take it from me, I am one so I know what I’m saying.
So if she still has feelings for her ex you might either not be sure or accuse her wrongly if she actually doesn’t. So read on as I show you how to read your woman to know if there is an ex factor you might have to consider or not.
1 The Voice Giveaway
When a girl talks to a friend whether on phone or physically, she has the following voice tones:
- friendly and
- the commanding tone.
However when she ‘s talking to someone she cares about she has either a warm or welcoming tone of voice. This means that if she is talking to someone it doesn’t matter what she says it’s how she says it.
So how does she talk when she is either with or talking to her ex over the phone. Is her voice lower as if she doesn’t want you to hear? Does she have stilted conversation- which is when it’s obvious she has to tell the person something but because you’re there? Uses words like “me too” or lots of “erms”? If she does this continuously then you should know that she still has feelings for her ex.
2 Secret Meetings without a viable excuse
How many of us want to see our ex? Most people keep their exes around either because they’re a co-parent, are now more like family (so no threat to anyone you end up with) or a business partner. Apart from the above, most people would want to avoid their exes as much as possible.
Let me ask you this, if someone told you the terrible things her ex did to her, do you think she’d ever be interested in talking to him again? If she does so then there is a question mark. I believe in the adage that things might not always be what they seem.
Panyin met Afriyie when she was at her lowest in life. Her ex boyfriend slept with her best friend and when she broke up with him, shared her nudes on social media. He was arrested but the damage of the resulting trolling had its effects on her. Panyin really felt for her and helped her rent a new place in a different region, furnished it and helped her get a new job. His plan was to allow her to heal before telling her his intentions of marrying her.
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She told him she’d decided to drop the charges against her ex and forgive him. Panyin thought it meant she was healing. She was but, not in the way he envisaged. Unknown to him, she’d linked back with her ex who apologized for what he did to her and promised to do right by her. Because she’d never been in love with Panyin, she secretly met the ex and got pregnant for him.
In such cases, there is no need asking for why or how come. If your girlfriend is secretly meeting her ex and lied about it, insist on being told the truth. If it’s a good enough excuse, give her the benefit of the doubt. But, if it happens again and she doesn’t tell you, then you have another sign that all is not well in your pot of love.
3 The Other “Dad”
Some men do not mind dating ladies with a child. She could even two, three or more children but if a man’s in love, he’s in love. He would accept the child as his and not mind the child thinking of him as a father figure.
But what happens if that child has two “fathers” in his or her life? Ordinarily this wouldn’t be a problem if you want to be with your lady and her child but what happens if she is too close to baby’s daddy for comfort? They are separated but how close is she with her ex?
Is he almost always in the house, especially when you’re not there? Does your new kid refer to their dad most of the time and seems to regard you as just a friend of her mum? Have you spoken to her but, she seems not to see what your problem is? If all your answers are yes, then you have cause to worry. This intrusion will just remind your lady that she needs to be with her baby daddy and not you.
She has mementos of their times spent together including pictures, gifts and such that she keeps as if she treasures them. We women have been known to throw away, trash, tear and cut things of our exes. We even burn them just to release the anger we feel for them if the relationship ended badly. If the relationship was amicable, we might keep them but not really as a treasure. When we meet someone we love, we will easily if not reluctantly throw them away. But if she hasn’t then she has to answer this question, why does she still keep them?
5 She never talks about him
What? A girl breaks up with a guy or the other way round and she doesn’t mention her ex ever to her new beau? Then she’s still hurt and loving him deeply. Ask her about her ex and watch her closely. Is she evasive? Does she quickly change the subject? If she does these and more, then you don’t need a rocket scientist to tell you that somebody still owns her heart…unfortunately not you.
6 She’s a bit vague about the future with you
Does she talk about the plans she had with her ex but refuses to discuss any with you? Are you the only one who seems to want to have a future together? Does he seem hung on enjoying the moment and leaving the future alone? Has she ever avoided planing for the future, insisting on letting you know when the time gets near? Does she even prefer to make the arrangements herself? Do you get the vibe that after her ex, she doesn’t want any permanency? You’ve your answer then.
7 She accepted you not long after breaking up with her ex
Some men are so attracted to a lady that they do not care if she just ended things with her ex. You should. You’ve also got a heart, which can be hurt badly if she’s still in love with her ex. So next time, let her ‘grieve’ over her failed relationship for sometime before rushing her into a relationship.
- How to Reject His Proposal Without Losing His Friendship
- 19 Things You Shouldn’t Do with a Lady You Just Met
8 She talks about him…a lot
When a lady is in love with somebody she doesn’t mind telling the whole world about him, even if the relationship is over. Thus, even if she’s in a new relationship she’ll still talk about times they spent together, how she was hurt, mementos they shared together…continuously. When a lady does that a few times at the beginning of the relationship, it’s ok. She might probably want you to know the kind of person she had before you. But, if she still talks about him weeks or months into your relationship…then her heart is still with him
9 She compares you with her ex
She talks about how if it were her ex, he would have done x,y,z. Sounds familiar? We women naturally compare between what or who we like with who we love. It’s evident in our preferring one child, friend, boss even clothes over another. Thus, if you are being compared with her ex and you’re always demeaned, that means her ‘love’ is better than you.
10 Social Media contact
Does she go through her exes profiles on any of his social media profiles? Does she comment or tag him? What does she say when she updates her status? Even though she might upload your picture does she sound really in love with you or wanting to make her ex jealous?
Also, when you’re together how long does she spend much time talking about her ex’s posts etc? Also, if she prefers her smartphone to you then she’s indirectly telling you that you’re not as interesting as what she’s reading.
11 Your feelings tell you something is up
Men call it guts, we women call it intuition, but if something in you tells you that she’s still in love with her ex, listen, it could be true. The best way to know is to ask. Don’t blurt it out in anger. Ask the way you’d inquire about her health and let her tell you the truth.
Now even though all these point to her being in love, it could be either that she has no interest of getting back with her ex or she wants to.
What to do
- Find out if she wants out of the relationship.
Give her the chance to choose. If she chooses you, thank your fortunes. However if she doesn’t, let her go without recriminations.
- If she chooses to stay, give her time to get over her ex. A woman who broke up with her first love, someone she’d been together with for a long time, had ended just before they got married among others, would still be in love with their ex for sometime and would need some time to sort their feelings out.
- Don’t give up if she chooses to be with you.