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My Mother Coughed onto His Food

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I know my mother is a difficult person to live with. Dad left her to marry another woman when I was 7 years because he couldn’t cope. When he wanted to take me along with him (being the only girl) she agreed and after he came for me, went to report at the police station that he’d kidnapped me. That’s the type of woman she is.

I was happy to emancipate myself when I entered SHS boarding and never lived with her again until just recently. Let me share the whole story.

Before my husband and I got married, this woman said no because he’s not from our tribe. My dad is passed but his brothers stood in for us to get married. My mother came to cause so much confusion at the traditional wedding venue, the court, the church and the reception grounds. Only God knows how we were able to still get married because she even fought fist to fist with her own sister over seats, creating confusion everywhere.

After the marriage, I washed my hands off her and blocked her everywhere. Auntie Abena, my mother cannot stay anywhere for more than 2 months. She’ll go and stay in the house like an angel and will be sacked within 3 months. None of our family members want to live with her, she was even thrown out of the family house for threatening to burn the house after an argument. Hmm.

In spite of all these, my husband still didn’t like my pulling away from her but I didn’t mind him. When I got pregnant, he always asked me if I’ve told her but I didn’t and also didn’t tell my 3 brothers because I knew they’ll tell her. I just didn’t want anything to do with her. In my 3rd trimester, I developed some complications so hubby told me to call her and tell her because should anything serious happen to me, he wouldn’t know how to explain himself. When I still didn’t call her, he took it upon himself to call her.

First thing my mother did was to insult him for keeping my pregnancy quiet and told him that I’ll give birth for her to see. He didn’t tell me. He went on to tell my brothers and some of my uncles whose contacts he had. My brothers came over and reminded me that I’m a first time mother. That my mother-in-law isn’t close to help me with the baby so unless my mother.

They told me to forgive and forget everything because she’s still our mother. Now, because of my complications, hubby employed a young lady to help in the house. She’s a good girl but always delayed in cooking and was slow in washing, you’ll send her to the market and she’ll keep too long. Little things. So after I gave birth and agreed for my mum to come and stay with us, she was on the girl so much that she stopped doing those things.

My mother made her work very hard that my husband even remarked that mum’s presence had changed things around the house. He was so happy that he gave her GHS1000 to buy Nigerian lace, sew it and buy matching shoes for the Outdooring. Hmmm. She went to buy it then later came that she’d seen the lace bought by my big brother’s fiancee and it was more expensive than the one she bought so hubby should give her extra money to buy a more expensive lace.

You know men. He didn’t really see the big deal about it and told her to sew it because people wouldn’t really care whether it’s expensive or not. That’s all he said. 2 days later, my helper told me she saw mum coughing on my hubby’s food.

I was then asleep when she did it but though I was disturbed, didn’t want to make a big deal about it. But I told her to be vigilant anytime she serves his food. The next day too the same thing so I went to confront her and she pretended that she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

Now auntie Abena, here lies the case that my mother has nowhere to go so hubby wants to finish one room on a half plot he has for her to move in. He also wants to set her up with some capital so that she doesn’t disturb me again but to tell him what she’s done, means he’ll stop. Nobody can forgive this. If I tell him today, he can sack her today because he’s a royal and hates nonsense.

How do I keep quiet over this too? I haven’t told my helper not to tell him because I don’t want to start teaching her how to lie to my husband. It’ll introduce some ideas into her head. I need answers on what to do. My baby is less than 3 weeks old and I’m in pain from CS complications.

Written by Abena Magis

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